SADDAM DOUBLES

1. . . . How many of ‘em are there? And how many statues and pictures of him are all over the country - inside buildings and outside on the landscape? That guy's got vanity issues.
2. . . . Saturday Night Live had a funny spoof of Saddam with his close aides sitting in a bunker, talking about the war and how it was going. He was mad because his cable TV wasn't working right down there.
3. Cher: The Farewell Tour is on NBC Tuesday at 9. She tells the current TV Guide that she's "finished with this part of my life. I don't want to go out after I can't do it anymore."
4. . . . "Do you Believe in life after love ... "
5. UNRELIABLE INFORMATION. Those Approaching signs in Washington's Metro aren't accurate anymore. The times jump around a lot. One minute it says the train'll be there in 11 minutes and then it's 4 a minute later and then it comes right down the track. And vice versa.
6. The Phone Booth movie with Colin Farrell is good but not great. The suspense isn't kept up enough. There are some moments but it needs to be sustained more. And the voice of the sniper, Kiefer Sutherland's, seems too recorded in a vacuum - therefore, not realistic for a somewhat realistic-type movie. But worth seeing.
7. Would somebody tell American Idol celebrity judge Randy Jackson to stop saying "Yo dog" to every male contestant after they're finished singing? Before that he used to say the person's name three times and that got on my nerves too.
8. . . . The judges have become too much a part of that show now. But the guest celebrity judge is a good idea. Two weeks ago it was Gladys Knight and last week it was Verdine White of Earth, Wind & Fire. They add to the show and give good advice.
9. PATHETIC. Oprah's best friend Gayle who works on the show. Forget her last name. They're always doing a show about her finding a man. Arranging blind dates, talking about what to say, how to act, what to wear. Get a Life!
10. CSI should go after Saddam Hussein. They'd get him.
11. Frankenstein is advertising on TV for Osteo Bi-Flex. He's got stiff joints. Funny ad.
12. Some colonel with Ted Koppel referred to Saddam's special forces as Feyadeen instead of Fedayeen. That word is constantly mispronounced.
13. "IN THE MOMENT." That's where Nicholas Cage lives. When Barbara Walters asked him something like what was the best moment you've ever had in your life, he said, "Right now, here with you," because he's trying to live in the moment. C'mon Nic. You haven't had a better time than being interviewed by Barbara Walters? A bit neurotic?
14. Tom Petty wrote a really good remembrance in Rolling Stone of Howie Epstein, the Heartbreakers' bassist, who died in February of a suspected heroin overdose. He was stolen from Del Shannon ‘s (Runaway) band because Petty loved Epstein's bass playing and his "clear, high harmony" voice.
15. GET IN TROUBLE, WRITE A BOOK AND HAVE A TV SPECIAL. That' what Diana Ross is doing. The book will supposedly dish, according to USA Today, about her drunken- driving arrest and that stupid Supremes Reunion Tour that bombed in 2000. And, of course, the TV special's on Fox. Who else?
16. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, got into a slight tussle with a dalmation mix who lives in the same building. When Annabelle came out the door, Hanalie went for her and tried to bite her. She doesn't like other dogs, except for Oliver who lives a couple doors down. She likes him because they alike, says Hanalie owner Sally.
17. Is Wolf Blitzer's full first name Wolfgang?
18. . . . When Wolf in Kuwait throws it back to Paula Zahn in New York, she should say, "Thank you Wolfie-kins. Now wouldn't that be nice?
19. What a terrible thing about NBC's David Bloom who died Sunday in Iraq - not from combat, but from a pulmonary embolism. Shocking, as was Michael Kelly's (The Atlantic Monthly, The Washington Post) death last week in a Humvee accident there.
20. . . . The Sunday Today show dedicated most of the broadcast to David and featured much of his work in the Gulf, dusty and dirty, riding in a Humvee, dubbed the Bloom-Mobile or the Dune Mobile, and broadcasting live. He loved it, his co-workers said, and helped design the remote TV vehicle. They called him Robo-Correspondent. Tim Russert called him The Bloomster and NBC correspondent Bob Faw did an obit piece on him, mentioning that he liked to stretch deadlines in getting his pieces in and he took 10-minute power naps that would keep him going. He kept up a tremendous pace, not only in his current assignment, but in everything he did. He was 39.
21. David Bloom liked the military's MREs (Meals Ready to Eat). Said they weren't too bad. And Ted Koppel likes them too.
22. It was 100 degrees in Baghdad this past weekend both days. They look for shade over there.
23. ABC is planning a TV special to air in May honoring the network's 50th birthday.
24. They say you can get lice from headphones in listening booths. Disgusting but it is possible. Think of that the next time you're in Tower or Barnes and Noble.
25. THE WAR MUST BE OVER; THERE'S NO FOOD. You'll be able to tell when the war's over when they cut out the catering. (Many news organizations feed their troops in the field and in the shop due to the long hours everybody's working.) When the food's gone, the story's done.
26. MSNBC has a photo wall they call America's Bravest. They add to it everyday with pictures of soldiers serving in the war. Natalie Morales usually does it.
27. Where's Arthel Neville? CNN said they'd give her another job after they dumped TalkBack Live but I haven't seen her.
28. DINOSAURS PRACTICED CANNIBALISM. Researchers in Madagascar found evidence of a 30-foot dinosaur (Majungatholus atopus) with knife-blade teeth that ate members of its own species when food was scarce.
29. They say in the movie Basic, John Travolta is buff and seen naked in the lower portions of his body. A critic said, "You can see the forest but not the tree." Ha Ha Ha.
30. Mr. Big Stuff thought Verdine White - mentioned earlier (celebrity judge on American Idol - was a woman coming out on the stage or a drag queen, especially because of his very long hair. 31. Another soul legend has died. Edwin Starr, born Charles Hatcher in 1942, died last week in Nottingham, England. Known for his powerful Motown single War in 1970, he was truly a soul wailer and an exciting performer known for his shows and the big bands he assembled. His follow-up was Stop the War Now. He was produced by Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong. He made his home overseas and, like many American black singers, found an appreciative audience in England and Europe.
31. . . . For those who remember, Starr was the original Agent Double-O Soul, a hit record for him in 1965 which also became a persona.
32. A friend of mine says he found this interesting little "fact": At military funerals, the 21 gun salute stands for the sum of the numbers in the year 1776. That true?
33. SHE'S GOT DEMANDS. They say J. Lo's now making Ben Affleck quit smoking. Be a man, Ben, and don't.
34. The cover of the April 1 National Examiner has a picture of Katie Couric, Barbara Walters and Connie Chung headlined, "CATFIGHT! ... Battle of the Network News Gals! Who's Stabbing Who in the Back." But the article inside is not that informative.
35. So Madonna's withdrawing her antiwar video. How nice.
36. And the Barbara Walters/Julianne Moore kiss on TV last week was just a quick buss - nothing passionate or anything.
37. Lisa Marie Presley seems tough. She's got her own mind and does what she wants. She did admit to Diane Sawyer last week on Primetime that she was in love for a time with Michael Jackson and that they did have sex. Well, they were married. Lisa said she's not very smart with affairs of the heart. Her album's out Tuesday, called To Whom It May Concern.
38. Vin Diesel was on Letterman last week to plug his movie, A Man Apart. He seems goofy and not too smart. Sluggish.
39. Russell Crowe gets married tomorrow (Monday) in Australia and it's been declared a no-fly zone over his ranch to keep the press out.
40. If I fly on a plane, will I get SARS?
41. Seems that actress Jennifer Garner (Alias) and husband Scott Foley are maybe splitting. She was seen unaccompanied at the recent Academy Awards show and he was interviewed the other day and a reporter asked him about his nearly shaved head. He responded by rubbing his hands on his almost bald scalp and said, "This is just me letting go." Gee, what courage.
42. UH . . . Gee - The Crows, on Rama Records. 1954.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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