Rocci Fisch

April 29, 2011

THEY'RE CIVILIZED

… The Brits are. The wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William was a tasteful spectacle of tradition and respect for the couple, the institution of marriage and the monarchy, if you ask me.
…Miss Middleton wasn't falling out of her dress like those goons on that cable TV show, Say Yes to the Dress. They're always pulling themselves up due to their prevailing straplessness – not a pretty sight.
… Kate had her top covered up with lace which was the proper thing to do.
…They could take a lesson from Waity Katie.
Watching BBC's coverage was much more fulfilling to this writer than the American cable news nets and regular nets. They all had too many people talking over one another and it was too much of a production.
… Too many "stars" got into their coverage.
At about 3 a.m. ET, Chris Jansing and Martin Bashir began their anchoring of "The Royal Wedding" outside Buckingham Palace. Bashir was good, measured, calm and factual. Jansing was a bit girlish and giddy in some of her comments and acted enamored about everything.
… And can we stop constantly making fairy-tale references about it all? Somebody tell Kate Snow about that.
Queen Elizabeth gave the couple their title: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
"Duke … Duke … Duke. Duke of Earl. Duke … Duke …"
…They have other titles too: Earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus and Countess of Strathearn and Baroness of Carrickgergus.
…Carrick what?
The night before, the prince came out and greeted crowds of well-wishers, smiling and shaking hands. He's a good PR man.
Big – and I mean, BIG – TV screens were everywhere outside in Trafalgar Square and Hyde Park. Those guys spent a lot of money on this.
Willie Geist of Way Too Early and Morning Joe (MSNBC) said the atmosphere there at Traf Square was much like an American 4^th of July.
…Geist roved around a lot and when he was finished talking to some young girls in the crowd about their reaction to being there for the wedding he said, "Thanks so much guys."
…He's used to saying that to his co-anchors back in New York on those early shows when he finishes a segment. It's a real pals-y and guy-ish thing they all do there – not appropriate for where he was today.
… "Back to you, guys." Let's come up with something better than "guys" please.
… AND ANOTHER THING… Geist's audio was competing with the audio in the park coming over the PA system. I couldn't hear what he was saying. They needed to have a better mike (microphone) for the talent that would've made the background noise sound less present. Think the audio guy thought of that?
Bars were set up at either end of the square but not yet opened. Those folks know how to live.
Kiran Chetry, morning anchor for CNN, was outside talking to some people in the crowd and when done with one of her "live pops," she told them to "Have a blast today."
…How American and un-British.
… Richard Quest, another CNN anchor until the big guns got there later, had on what looked like an aqua-colored suit (of all things) and light blue tie. It was a bit loud for the occasion, I'd say. He asked people to "tweet and e-mail me to tell me what you're thinking."
… I tweeted to tell him to go to Savile Row and buy a suit of a color that's more appropriate for the occasion.
I liked the morning coats a lot of the men had on and the vests seemed to come in all different colors: gray (the standard), yellow (Elton John's), beige, blue. But some joker had on a plaid one that matched his pants: He looked like a clown.
MSNBC's early coverage was much more calming than CNN's, with that raspy, boisterous delivery of Quest grating against his microphone.
MSNBC broke for a hair commercial from Hair Club for Men. That's what I thought of when I saw Prince William. He could've used an appointment with them before the wedding.
THOSE HATS. All the women over there arriving at Westminster Abbey seemed to have a hat on. How do they expect other people sitting in the pews to see anything? They should've been made to check ‘em at the door.
… Me, I can't stand it when you go to the movies and the guy in front of you won't take off his ball cap.
The BBC described the high altar area where the marriage was actually performed in the abbey. They had all kinds of good detail about it and many other things which made their coverage interesting.
… Used to be the commercial networks in the U.S. did that more. Now all they do is have multitudes of anchors and "contributors" who jockey for air time and don't know about anything other than tooting their own horns.
…Tell me something I don't know and make it worth my while to watch. Get a good reputation and maybe next time I'll pay attention to ya.
When Prince Harry's girlfriend Chelsy Davy arrived she greeted her friends with a kiss kiss on each cheek. How Euro.
CNN came on with their main anchor team of Piers Morgan, Cat Deeley of So You Think You Can Dance and Anderson Cooper (left to right on the TV screen), with others shoved in there as the morning wore on.
… Cat Deeley? You gotta be kidding. They couldn't find anyone else? The Royal Wedding's not a reality show.
The marching band that does the Changing of the Guards outside Buckingham Palace were there with their bear hats on and I immediately felt transported to The Wizard of Oz, when the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow donned the Wicked Witch of the West's guards' uniforms after beating them up and sneaked into her castle to fetch Dorothy.
David Beckham and wife Victoria arrived and both appeared stiff, he in a dark, very tailored suit, hair slicked up and back like rock star Morrissey and wearing his OBE (Office of the British Empire) medal, and she with her hair pulled back and a hat atop which was positioned vertically with sprigs sticking out of it.
… A friend of mine can't stand Posh Spice and thought she looked malnourished and horrible.
… "They shouldn't have let her through the church doors," she complained.
MSNBC's Bashir didn't take to Beckham's unshaven look (Bashir: "I'm not into the stubble thing.") and suggested he could have taken a razor to his face for such a formal occasion.
… The soccer star was carrying a top hat in with him when he arrived at the church but I never saw him wear it.
NBC's Natalie Morales appeared at the top of the network's coverage and was introduced by Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira. She was at Trafalgar with a tilted hat on her head that looked ridiculous and very un-American for an American reporter covering the proceedings. Who let her wear that?
Princess Diana's brother, the Earl Charles Spencer, was there and looked good, according to NBC's royal watcher Neil Sean, who's gotten enough air time over the past few months to last a lifetime.
OVERLY USED TERM. Many keep referring to this all as "The Wedding of the Century," Chris Jansing being one of them. How do we know this? The century's just started. How can we call this one the big kahuna? Let's wait it out a bit.
NBC (Al Roker – what's he doing there?) had to keep mimicking the Brits by pronouncing the word mall as maw (the "a" as in "ouch") and seemed to be having fun with it.
… Childish and unnecessary.
"This is Fox News Channel and we're back … presently," said anchor Shepard Smith, going into a commercial break.
… Whatever happened to saying " We'll be back in a moment."?
… Nobody says that anymore. They're all afraid they'll lose the audience because it indicates the station is going away for a while. God forbid!
… So everything's said in the present tense. Boy, aren't they pulling the wool over our eyes.
… Call a spade a spade and be honest about it for once in your life.
Vera Wang was on CNN talking in a very high-falutin way about the wedding dress and what goes into designing one. She came off as a snob (and one in need of some makeup).
… Just pick up a frock in Dress Barn and be done with it for God's sake.
At 5 a.m. Morning Joe took over MSNBC's programming with Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski (what were they doing in England? They have the most inside the Beltway show on TV.)
William and Harry were in full military regalia and you could see them pretty well through the big windows in the Rolls Royce they were in. What a car.
Barbara Walters pointed out that the wedding was a private one and not a public state event like that of Charles and Diana's back in 1981.
… Sure seemed pretty public to me.
Tina Brown, a guest contributor for ABC's coverage, pointed out that Fergie (Sarah Ferguson – not Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, thank God) wasn't invited although her husband Prince Andrew, and her kids were. I felt sorry for her. Maybe she'll show up on Dr. Drew.
Prince Charles and Camilla arrived in a very old-style motorcar that was hard to see inside.
… The Beeb (BBC) said Camilla was wearing Jimmy Choo shoes – not those (Christian) Louboutins that have the red soles that Oprah Winfrey and Diane Sawyer wear.
Queen Elizabeth had on a yellow hat to match the rest of what she was wearing. ABC's Robin Roberts guessed it right in an office pool, she said.
…And hubby Prince Philip was in his Grenadier Guards uniform with scarlet tunic and blue sash and dark blue trousers with a red stripe. Very classic.
It didn't rain.
Camilla quickly curtsied to the Queen Elizabeth in the lobby of Westminster Abbey. Seemed silly.
Kate Middleton rode with her father to the church in an old-style motorcar too, one in the queen's collection, said ABC's David Muir. She was in full view and demonstrated good posture (not slouching down in the seat like some American schlub would be).
… The BBC said this was the same car that carried Prince Charles and Camilla that was attacked by demonstrators last December. They obviously repaired the damage.
Middleton had a seven foot as opposed to a 25-foot train (Princess Di) to her gown.
Middleton has a very thin waist.
She wore a tiara.
JUST ASKING. Do you think Prince Harry could've dragged a comb through his hair for the special day? He looked like he slept on it.
… He needs to lend his brother some of his dense mop.
Camilla likes to have her hair wisp up on the side. How many cans of Aqua Net does that take?
Some woman in the nave at Westminster Abbey looked like she was wearing a lampshade (blue) on her head -- that's what her hat looked like. I couldn't see who she was but she was probably more than a nobody.
Kate Middleton's brother James needed to take excitement pills. His reading was boring.
GOOD ADVICE. One of the priests mentioned some pointers to the new royal couple: Associate with the lowly; do not repay anyone with evil for evil; and don't be haughty.
… I know some people who this could apply to.
There were trees inside Westminster Abbey. Are they rooted in the flooring or are they potted?
… Any squirrels up there? If so, did any nuts fall on the congregation?
Sarah Ferguson's girls' (Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie) hats were ridiculous – one was brown that looked like deer antlers sticking up and the other one was some multi-colored concoction with plumage. I don't know how they fit in their motorcars.
COMPLAINT. The beginning and the end of the processional music for William and Kate for their church departure sounded like a Star Wars overture. The middle was okay: calm, reverent, but the bookend music was much too overdone and long.
I kept saying to myself during the coverage, "Would somebody tell Tina Brown to shut up!" Her sharp voice was annoying.
NBC's Al Roker mentioned that the crowd outside was "going wild." What? Like the coaxed crowd every morning out "on the Plaza" at Rockefeller Center where they do the Today show?
… Not quite the same, buddy. This crowd (at Trafalgar Square) had something to cheer about.
The chapel choirs were very man/boy-centric. No gals. Why?
… Blame the monarchy?
All the nets had to do the obligatory crowd interviews to see the wacky people who turn out for such events. Zzzzzz.
… Who cares about people who sleep out on the street all night in order to save a seat, people who have their hair dyed British flag colors or people who traveled from America to see it all? Get a Life!
UH… Diamond Life (album) – Sade on Portrait Records, 1985.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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