SO WHAT'S IN THE WOODS?

1. . . . In M. Night Shyamalan's (pronounced SHAY-ma-lan) movie, The Village? "Menacing creatures lurking," they say. Do you really get to see them? Is the movie a tease like Signs was?
2. . . . Well, $50 million worth of people saw it last weekend so I guess we'll have to ask them if it was worth it.
3. Bill Clinton's parting his hair on the right now instead of combing it back. It's a slight part that doesn't go all the way back to the crown but it is a part. Guess he's getting more contemporary.
4. NEW! JLO LINGERIE. Sold first at Macy's. Full-page ads trumpet her "unique fashion collection" that will "steal the show." (Always a show with her) A young woman models a blue "embroidered chiffon triangle bralette" (a bralette?), a "matching fanny wrap" (looks like a loin cloth) and a "retro hipster" (and what's that?) All available in polyester. But of course.
5. . . . The bralette has strings hanging down in the front so I guess it's easy to ...
6. Mr. Big Stuff asked if Teresa Heinz Kerry was African American. Well, she is from Mozambique which is in Africa, the continent. You figure it out.
7. So what's Mike Tyson gonna do now? He was punched out by British heavyweight Danny Williams in the fourth round at Freedom Hall in Louisville, Ky. He needed the win money because he's $38 million in debt.
8. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. Good movie. Updated from the 1962 paranoia thriller that starred Frank Sinatra as the candidate, now played by Denzel Washington who does a good job. (Sinatra's daughter Tina co-produced this new one.) This time it's the aftermath of an incident in Kuwait during the first Gulf war that sets the action of the movie.. Director Jonathan Demme does a good job with some good actors: Denzel, Meryl Streep and Liev Schreiber.
9. Teresa Heinz Kerry touches her heart like Celine Dion. She oughta stop that.
10. Richard Dreyfuss walked around and was interviewed a lot at the Democratic Convention. He's aged.
11. SEPARATED AT BIRTH? New York blogger Bravo pointed out that Ron Reagan Jr. (He's not technically a junior) and actor Ray Bolger who played the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz do resemble each other. I can see it.
12. . . . And Ron needs to grow the hair out a bit. The crewcut is a bit severe.
13. George Bush called Lance Armstrong on a cell phone when he won the Tour de France. Wonder if he asked him, "Can you hear me now?"
14. MSNBC and weekend Today show co-anchor Lester Holt is graying around the temples. Needs some dye. Should. Younger.
15. Spike Lee shot his latest movie, She Hate Me, in 28 days and on Super 16 mm (millimeter) film instead of the standard 35 mm, to save money. The critics have trashed it.
16. The press treats Jon Stewart, the comedian and Comedy Central's Daily Show host, like he's a regular anchorman, for crissakes. Get real, he just plays one.
17. John Edwards is always fiddling with those two small kids of his, Emma Claire and Jack. Just leave ‘em alone for once and stop acting for the camera. I feel sorry for his older daughter Cate. She seems neglected.
18. VERY FREQUENT TALKING HEAD. Michael O'Hanlon is. He's a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution. Every time you turn around he's on some TV show, talking about Iraq. When's he have time to do his regular job? They must have liberal leave over there.
19. A reader from Arlington, Va., wrote in to Washington Post transportation reporter Lyndsey Layton's online discussion to complain that a woman was changing her baby's diaper on the Metro and set the dirty diaper on the seat next to her. She thought it was pretty unsanitary. She went on to say that she thought it was "interesting that Metro will handcuff a woman who finished her candy bar yet does nothing about a woman being completely unsanitary on the train." She's got a point.
20. . . . Yes, last week they did arrest a woman for chewing her PayDay candy bar while she was in the Metro system. She was finishing it up and had thrown the wrapper in the trash can - they're hard to find - and was heading down the escalator. The Metro officer said chewing was eating and took her into custody.
21. . . . Police state.
22. I'm tired of hearing the word systemic.
23. Some people didn't like the shaky camera work in The Bourne Supremacy. The hand-held action made a friend of mine half sick.
24. HOW MANY BARS DO YOU HAVE? On your cell phone, that is. Battery power. That's what AT&T asks in their wireless ads. Will that catch on like CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
25. Joe Witte, ABC7 meteorologist, got his tongue tied up one night last week on the news and called Ocean City, Ocean Sh_ _ _ y. It just went by. He didn't say anything about it and neither did the show's co-anchors. These things happen.
26. CNN mid-morning anchor Daryn Kagan's hair looks fuller and more mainstream. I liked it the way it was before.
27. A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD. The Colin Farrell movie that they cut a full-frontal shot of him from ... Actually Farrell (Bobby) is pretty good in it, playing a sensitive type who's had some tragedy in his life and hooks up with an old friend (Jonathan) and his gal pal, played by Robin Wright Penn (Clare) who plays a real quirky character. And the guy who plays Farrell at a young age is a good actor. Both the young and older Farrell character wears shag wigs which look pretty laughable but was the hairstyle of the time. Later in the story Clare gives Bobby a more up-to-date do.
28. Retired Army General and Commander in Chief of CENTCOM Tommy Franks looks mighty different now in a suit. He's written a book, along with Malcolm McConnell, called American Soldier and he's making the rounds on TV. He used to call the people on TV who instantly analyzed the war in Iraq "TV generals" and said they were like "chihuahuas jumping up and down." I can see that.
29. Nicolas Cage just got married for the third time. He's 40 and married 20-year-old Alice Kim, described by USA Today as a "former sushi waitress." Some people like to get hitched a lot.
30. Pamela Anderson's written a book too. Actually, co-written a book. Star, it's called and it's a rags to riches story about a Florida gal who goes to Hollywood. Ads for it say it's a "sexy, sizzling beach read." The back cover has a nearly nude centerfold picture of Pam. Hi Pam.
31. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, really isn't too fazed by new arrival Gidget, the bare-eyed cockatoo. As long as the bird doesn't get too much of owner Sally's attention, Hanalie is okay.
32. Jaoquin Phoenix looks like Little Yellow Riding Hood in that get-up he's wearing in The Village and on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. He's carrying a pail of paint and he's putting marks on a tree. How quaint.
33. . . . ALSO . . . I read he's going to play Johnny Cash in an upcoming movie. Isn't that a bit of a stretch?
34. Is Victoria Gotti a natural blond and is that all her hair? Good God it's long. It's like Donatella Versace's and she's in rehab.
35. UH . . . Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress) - The Hollies, on Epic, from 1972.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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