THIS PHONE IS TAPPED

1. . . . That's what it says on a stick-on strip attached to the receiver of a public phone (AT&T) in my neighborhood. Then it says, "Your conversation is being monitored by the U.S. government courtesy of the Patriot Act of 2001, section 216 of which permits all phone calls to be recorded without a warrant or notification. For more information, visit www.crimethinc.com." They don't need that of in there. I guess nobody proof read it. Police state?
2. Film director Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings) needs to comb that hair of his. It looks a mess. It's a simple task. Maybe before the Academy Awards. And trim the beard while you're at it. Looks scuzzy.
3. POPPING BUTTONS. That's what it looked like Renee Zellweger was gonna do in that very low-cut dress she had on at the Golden Globes. My God, she was barely covered and totally squeezed in.
4. Who are these Zogby folks? A Reuters-Zogby poll. An MSNBC-Zogby poll. Whatever happened to Gallup and Harris?
5. Actor Kurt Russell has a very bad wig on in his new movie Miracle. Everything else seems okay but I can't get past that hairpiece.
6. It looks like first Survivor winner Richard Hatch is still walking around naked. In a clip for Survivor: All-Stars he's seen coming out of the water with no clothes on with his vitals electronically blotted out. Thank God.
7. "With every piece of flesh I ate, I remembered him." Them words ain't from a movie. They're from real-life computer technician and modern-day cannibal Armin Meiwes who found a willing victim on the Internet in Kassel, Germany. He was sentenced to eight-and-a-half years in prison for killing a man who wanted to be "slaughtered," reports the New York Times.
8. . . . And some of what happened is on tape. Who's gonna get that?
9. PARTED: Disney and Pixar, the high-tech animation studio (Toy Story, Finding Nemo). Who's gonna be sorry?
10. At the end of one of Wesley Clark's paid political TV announcements - at least that's what they used to call them. Now they're simply called political ads. - you hear the candidate say in a voice-over, "I'm Wes Clark and I approve this message." What's that mean? I would hope he approves it. It sounds like a disclaimer or something. Odd.
11. . . . He seems too old already to be president.
12. Anthonly LaPaglia (Without a Trace) must be growing his hair out, maybe for another role. It's a bit long in the back. Doesn't seem right for his police TV series.
13. TOTALLY TOO MUCH: Oprah's birthday party. It couldn't have been done up any bigger. She's ostentatious - like Michael Jackson.
14. I don't like it when local TV stations pre-empt morning network programs for snow coverage. The hourly and half-hourly local cut-ins are enough for me. I don't need blanket local coverage.
15. LASSIE. That GE commercial for "Security Technologies" which features the classic canine fighting off an attacking cougar by special-effected martial arts ... I don't like it.
16. . . . There's a lot that I don't like.
17. Actor Martin Sheen declared it "Howard Dean Day" in New Hampshire last Tuesday. Did he have the authority to do that?
18. Where In The World Is Matt Laurer? begins soon. He'll be off to parts unknown. The promos for it show the Today show anchor with lots more hair than he has now.
19. Mr. Big Stuff rooted for the Patriots this Super Bowl. He said he'd would've liked to drop in on Lingerie Bowl 2004 but he didn't have cable. It was PPV (Pay-Per-View).
20. BURYING BIRDS ALIVE. That's what they're doing to contain that bird flu in Taiwan and other Asian countries. Collecting chickens in bags and throwing them in a hole. Unusually cruel.
21. Now the Gap sells maternity clothes. An ad for it shows a mother-to-be in low-rise jeans. Is that comfortable for the growing tummy or is she still trying to look sexy?
22. Half the time it's hard seeing John Kerry's wife's (Teresa Heinz Kerry) face. Her hair's always obscuring it. She oughta do something about it.
23. FEEDBACK. Got it re (regarding) News4 weekend anchor/reporter Debbie Jarvis. She's no longer with the station and is now manager of PEPCO's media relations. Miss her. She was a longtime presence to Washingtonians and did a good job.
24. That mug shot of James Brown makes him look like George P-Funk Clinton. Jeez.
25. Those ads for Judge Joe Brown and American Idol and other Fox fare during Fox News Sunday diminish the importance of the news/public affairs show, I think. You'd think they could get lower-key, classier things to run but then again, there's no such thing on that network.
26. A friend of mine says Mystic River is "dark and brooding and very depressing" but the acting's good. Watch Sean Penn cry again.
27. MORE CLEAVAGE COMING. That's what people are saying about the Academy Awards. And you thought you saw a lot at the Golden Globes.
28. A friend of mine said this: "Jack Paar. I thought he was dead already."
29. Do you think John Edwards will say anything about James Brown during his swing through South Carolina? That's where Brown was arrested - in Aiken. I know the candidate is from North Carolina but the states are close together. Somebody should ask Edwards for a little soundbite about the Godfather.
30. Ellen DeGeneres gives guests on her show black underwear with her name on it and often the guests show part of it on the air. They pull it up out of their pants to show the Ellen name on the waist band. Richard Simmons did.
31. Does anyone call James Carville, Jim? Mary Matalin?
32. Is it bold-faced lie or bald-faced lie? Seen it both ways. Somebody get back to me.
33. Some people called Howard Dean's Iowa rant his Sream Speech and others called it his Screech Speech.
34. Longtime NBC News correspondent Joe Johns has moved to CNN. "Our brand new congressional correspondent," as anchorman Miles O'Brien referred to him, did live reports last week on Wolf Blizter's and Miles's Live From shows.
35. NEW THING: KRUMPING. It's dancing that's aggressive, rapid and often resembles fighting. An offshoot from Clowning and originating in south LA. Dancers often wear face paint and abstract clown-like costumes. It's featured in Krumped, a film by David LaChapelle and was featured at Sundance a week or so ago.
36. Why does Diane Keaton cover herself up in all those clothes she wears, including the gloves all the time? When she gets the Academy Award (Nominated for Best Actress, Something's Gotta Give) she oughta wear a little less. She dresses eccentric-ly.
37. How long will Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (MTV's Newlyweds) last? They do too much together. It'll come between ‘em. (Do they think they're the new Lucy and Ricky?)
38. The Pope received Polish breakdancers at the Vatican last week and they did their thing right in front of him on a marble floor. He keeps up with things. He's already seen Mel Gibson's Christ movie. He oughta do a column.
39. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, won't be going to Las Vegas with owner Sally. She'll be visiting her spa for a week instead. She gets pretty good treatment there.
40. Entertainment Weekly has a couple page, thick-papered advertisement in it for The New Season on HBO which means, I guess, The Sopranos, even though the show name isn't on it. But when you're leafing through the magazine and turn the first page of the ad, a song starts playing but I can't make out what it is. It's a surprise and throws you off. A woman in Hecht's department store said it scared her when she came upon it. She almost dropped the magazine on the floor.
41. I like that bug-eyed cute pug dog in those Advair commercials and print ads.
42. UH . . . Want Ads - The Honey Cone on Hot Wax. 1971.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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