February 22, 2006

THE OLYMPIC MEDALS LOOK LIKE CDs

1. . . . You could say mini-Frisbees too.
   
2. . . . . And there’s a donut hole in the middle that you can peer through. That’s what most recipients do when they hold the thin little things up.
   
3. . . . A plastic (silver?) piece of “hardware” like that symbolizes the gold, silver and bronze- winners of the 2006 Olympics? Couldn’t they have come up with something a little bit more distinctive and respectful of the Olympic challenge?
   
4. A GOOD WOMAN. Helen Hunt looks absolutely ridiculous as a 1930’s era woman in the company of older, rich men. Movie’s set in a picturesque Italian village on the Amalfi coast. Scarlett Johanssen plays Lady Windermere in this reworking of the Oscar Wilde play (Lady Windermere’s Fan). She thinks hubby is fooling around with Hunt’s character, Mrs. Erlynne. Film is full of clever hoity-toity one-liners.
   
5. . . . Scarlett needs to watch it. She’s been in some dud minor movies lately and she doesn’t seem to come off much smarter than those pouty lips of hers.
   
6. SHE SAID “NO." Michelle Kwan did ... to the big and powerful NBC which was just after her, probably, for the ratings she could bring to the network. After withdrawing from the Olympics due to a groin injury, the figure skater was offered a broadcasting job for the Games. But she turned it down, saying she’d be a distraction for the team. She thought of the big picture and made the right decision. Nobody turns down the networks but she did. More power to her.
   
7. NEW CHARACTER. The woman (Maria Conchita Alonso) who plays Gabrielle’s (Eva Longoria) mother Lucia was introduced on Desperate Housewives this week. She’s a sexpot and looks like the cuchi, cuchi Charo and acts a bit like her too. She’s trouble.
   
8. ACADEMY AWARD-NOMINATED TUNE: It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp, from the Hustle and Flow movie which stars actor nominee Terrence Howard as a pimp who wants to be a rap star. He may perform it on the show if the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences decides to have the songs sung. (That used to be a big part of the show but not lately.) Other songs up are In the Deep (from Crash) and Travelin’ Thru (TransAmerica), written by Dolly Parton. I’m rootin’ for Miss Dolly.
   
9. . . . So I guess pimping has gone mainstream and they’re gonna be singing about it on the Academy Awards.
   
10. JUST WONDERING. When’s the next Good Will Hunting trip for the vice president?
    
11. Thank you but no, I don’t wish to have a razor that has 5 blades in it. The new Gillette Fusion features that many and comes in manual and battery-powered models.
    
12. . . . Can you use it in the shower too, without getting electrocuted?
    
13. . . . For crissakes, why do they keep reinventing the wheel on men’s shaving? Enough already. I hope it flops.
    
14. American Idol’s Paula Abdul has a DVD set out on—are you ready?-- Cardio Cheerleading. Cardio Cheer features five discs on various aspects of the “craft”: Stretch, Power, Moves, Jump and Endurance.
    
15. . . . Is that instead of a revitalized recording career? When’s that new album coming out? Let’s turn the tables and judge her for a change.
    
16. The NBC4 show It’s Academic is now in it’s 46th year on television. That’s some record. And Mac McGarry’s still hosting it with the same bad toupee he’s always had.
    
17. Washington Week With Gwen Ifill has a new name: Washington Week With Gwen Ifill and National Journal. That started this past weekend and reflects the show’s editorial partnership with the publication.
    
18. . . . Confusing. Too much cramped into the title. And where’s the the before National Journal? And is National Journal a guest of Ms. Ifill’s or something? It reads that way.
    
19. STAY AWAY. Last week’s Frontline, The Meth Epidemic, mentioned that the drug “first stimulates and then blows out the brain’s pleasure centers until, finally, to the meth addict, ‘nothing feels good.’” The show reports that the U.N. says it’s the “most widely abused hard drug on earth.”
    
20. TV Guide’s Rochell D. Thomas asks in her Is It Just Me? column: “Does it seem like Oprah wears a wig?” Thomas suspects the enchanced coif might be a Korean hair weave. I’d say she’s probably right.
    
21. Good Luck to Lisa Marie Presley on her latest marriage (#4) to her bandleader, Michael Lockwood. Nobody can say she ain’t trying. I wonder if hubby #2, Michael Jackson, is jealous. (He’s over in Bahrain wearing women’s clothes.)
    
22. Mary Hart of Entertainment Tonight called Tom Cruise “taut and fit” last Friday, referring to that picture of him without a shirt on and in bathing trunks, with Katie Holmes. He did look like he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him but boy, I’d go for some chest definition. He needs to expand it out a bit.
    
23. The Cheney shootee, Harry Whittington, looked pretty good at his press conference last week after being released from the hospital. You could see the bruising specks on his face from the shotgun pellets he received but overall, he looked really well for a man who almost got killed.
    
24. . . . I thought of Motown’s Jr. Walker & The All Stars’ Shotgun (1965) when the incident occurred. “Shotgun … Shoot him ‘fore he run now …”
    
25. . . . Then I thought of The Four Seasons and The Tremeloes’ Silence Is Golden (1967) when the vice president wasn’t saying anything about shooting his friend. “Silence is golden but my eyes still see …”
    
26. . . . But the overall appropriate theme song, to me, was I (Cheney) Shot the Sheriff (Eric Clapton, 1974) and the Bobby Fuller Four’s I Fought the Law (1966). “Breaking rocks in the hot sun …”
    
27. . . . Mary Matalin, adviser to Vice President Cheney, looked very tired, walking back with him to the White House after he was interviewed by Brit Hume of Fox News. She didn’t look like she usually does when she’s all dolled up for Meet the Press. No pizzazz in her face. Needed makeup, especially the eyes. She wasn’t TV-ready this time.
    
28. JUST ASKING. Do I need to buy a shredder? Should I be concerned about somebody going through my discarded mail? How real is the threat?
    
29. . . . I’ve got enough plugged into my electrical sockets without adding something else. How many power strips.
    
30. THANK GOD. Brad Pitt was seen in a photo last week, playing with adopted son Maddox Jolie-Pitt, and for once in his life he had his ball cap on correctly -- not backwards. I breathed a sigh of relief.
    
31. Mr. Highfalutin asked me this before he gave me the keys to drive his car: “Will I be exposed to road rage if you drive?” Probably.
    
32. ROCK STAR KISSES PREGNANT BELLY. Yes, Bono actually bent down at the Grammys and kissed singer Gwen Stefani’s stomach. If I were her ole man (Gavin Rossdale) I’d kick his GD butt!
    
33. . . . The gesture was a bit intimate. Bono thinks he can get away with anything. Get ‘im out. He needs to go away for about 10 years.
    
34. Goldie Hawn’s on the cover of the March/April AARP Magazine. Boy, is that picture airbrushed.
    
35. BARRY MANILOW’S THE GREATEST SONGS OF THE FIFITES. I’m disappointed in the CD. Not that I’m a big Manilow fan but the guy’s been a pretty good record producer. Not here.
    
36. . . . If you’ve seen that cheapo cable TV-type ad for the album, you’ve heard all you need to hear.
    
37. . . . The music on the album sounds synthesizer-ish.
    
38. . . . He over-pronounces lyrics.
    
39. . . . It’s color-by-numbers. Every arrangement sounds the same.
    
40. . . . It’s very average and un-special. Sounds like karaoke tracks.
    
41. . . . I guess that’s why it went to the top of the charts last week.
    
42. The Tonight Show the other night did a hilarious skit about Matt Lauer and Al Roker called Brokeback Mornings. They were luging together at the Olympics on Today with Al positioned on top of Matt, going down the icy runway. There were sexual innuendo-type questions. You had to be there. The funny factor was awesome.
    
43. . . . I can’t believe I said awesome.
    
44. . . . ENSEMBLE. And last Thursday on Today at the Olympics, Matt wore matching scarf (rust-colored) and slacks. A black crew neck and jacket over which the scarf was tied loosely a la the trendy way New Yorkers wear their neck accoutrements. The trousers might have been a corduroy fabric.
    
45. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood (see picture to the right), is on another trip with owner Sally. To Atlanta and then Montgomery, Ala., and back to Atlanta, her original home. When Sally and friend were going up in her building elevator people remarked how pretty the dog was and commented on her “freckles.” Sally said Hanalie seemed very happy to have gotten the compliments.
    
46. THE UNVEILING. Here she is, Hanalie.
    
47. DESERVES TO BE SHOT. Crystal Koons for all of those annoying, constantly-running local TV ads for daddy’s Toyota dealerships – especially the Presidents Day ones. They crossed over the annoyance line with all of that bought air-time. I hope it alienated their business customers. Let that “wow ‘em.”
    
48. So are we gonna see the Shroud of Torino before the end of the Olympics?
    
49. Sergio Mendes—remember him and Brasil ’66 and ’77?—has a new album out: Timeless. He’s been away from the scene for a while but has returned, encouraged and produced by Will Adams (Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas). Many guest artists. I’m a bit wary but will give it a try.
    
50. DR. PEPPER DIET CHERRY AND VANILLA. That enough flavors for ya? Gimme a Break!
    
51. . . . Does anybody drink Dr. Pepper anymore?
    
52. Why don’t they give Ann Curry Katie Couric’s job if she goes to CBS? She’s been there the longest. We know Ann’s co-anchor with Stone Phillips on Dateline but her heart’s always been with the Today show. You can tell it, she shows it, she’s emotional about it. And she’s got longevity. But now newcomer Natalie Morales is stepping into the picture. She’s the latest up-and-comer. No more Alexis Glick to kick around. She’s gone. But it’s too early for Natalie to come up to that level. And there are rumors about The View’s Meredith Vieira also. But maybe the network ought to just throw in the towel and let Ann get the job by default. Don’t Matt and Al love her anyway?
    
53. UH . . . IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG, I DON’T WANNA BE RIGHT—Luther Ingram, from 1972 on KoKo Records (Stax).