THE SENATORS CLIMBED OUT OF THE WELL

1. . . . To do the Sunday morning talk shows. I guess they needed a break from all the wet and slime down there.
2. . . . Then I guess they fall back in.
3. UNWATCHABLE NOW. Entertainment Tonight is. Too noisy. Sound effects swishing and exploding all over the place. Jutting video. Music everywhere. Anchors pumped. Hyped to the max. It's worse than watching Fox.
4. . . . They're probably the ones who started all this clutter of the airwaves in the first place.
5. Is Pepsi One diet?
6. Remember when mom used to make Thomases for you? So says the commercial for English muffins. What, did she have a baking plant? All you do is throw 'em in the toaster and serve 'em. The individual consumer doesn't make them. Don't teach the kids lies.
7. LISTENING TO ... Monica – another one – Mancini, Henry's daughter. She sings the songs of her famous father composer and does a good job. Low-key, non-flourished delivery. Nice to have on. It's the first release from the new PBS record label.
8. How much of a dent did Val Kilmer's At First Sight movie make?
9. Ben Affleck's brother's name's Casey.
10. HAD ENOUGH OF ... Those Ally McBeal stretched out tongues. Poor taste.
11. . . . But what's in good taste now? (Practically nothing.)
12. Robin Wright Penn looks like a stick in Message In A Bottle.
13. "Most Watched" is the most misused phrase in network television promotion.
14. Keri Clark is the researcher on every one of husband Dick's TV specials, and has been. He keeps it in the family.
15. The New York Post often calls Monica Lewinsky the portly pepperpot.
16. . . . The dictionary defines pepperpot as "a highly seasoned soup of tripe, vegetables, and often dumplings." Tripe? Yuck.
17. "IT IS A NEW WORLD." So says Gywneth Paltrow's Shakespeare In Love character after a roll in the hay with the young William. She seems all refreshed.
18. Will my voice do the dialing in the future?
19. Boy George was introduced on the recent American Music Awards show with this sentence: "He's the out and about leader of Culture Club." How clever and up-to-date, and labeling.
20. Bet Cher goes go back into hiding. She usually does after being out in the public on a stretch. This time she's really over-exposed.
21. . . . OH, THAT'S WHAT SHE SINGS: In her hit song, Believe. "Do you believe in life after love? I thought it was, "Do you believe in love after love," and I thought that was odd or I wasn't getting something. She says life and love almost in the same way. Ho Hum.
22. . . . And Madonna said she'd like to produce the next song's video off Cher's album, but she doesn't have the time. (Over-extending again.)
23. ABC's This Week show changed their logo. Now it's shiny gold letters with a blue underline with Sam Donaldson and Cokie Roberts' signatures on the bottom. I guess you've made it when not only your name but the way you sign it's in the title of the show.
24. King Hussein has 12 children. Busy.
25. The Today show has Linda Tripp Friday.
26. . . . They seem to be stepping up the competition to the newly revived Good Morning America. (Think they're scared.)
27. "WE WOOK AN AWFUL WOT AWIKE." That's what Tweety Bird thinks about Larry Bird and tells Michael Jordan in an ad for some long distance service.
28. Would somebody get that Fidelity Investments Andy Warhol look-a-like off the air? Thank you.
29. HOW YOU SAY? AbDULLah or Ab-DOO-lah?
30. SAW IT: The Thin Red Line. Very well shot. Interestingly directed, but the battle scenes on the hillside were endless, the mood morose. Thought-provoking, but enough already. And most of the guys were scaredy cats.
31. . . . And if that's not enough, they've re-released Saving Private Ryan. My eardrums hurt.
32. There's a buzz on the new Nicolas Cage movie, 8mm. Jaoquin Phoenix is in it all tattooed and punked up and it's about snuff films. Nice subject.
33. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
34. Why does the Gateway computer box look like the hide of a black and white cow?
35. HERE'S THE SKED FOR THE OSCARS: Sunday, March 21. 7--8, The Barbara Walters Special; 8--8:30, The Oscar Preview Show (the new pre-game show); and 8:30--11:30, the really big shew, The 71st Annual Academy Awards. A whole night of it.
36. Some believe AIDS got started by somebody eating a chimpanzee.
37. I YAM WHAT I YAM. "The Constitution's just like the Bible. You can't write it over," said Sen. Robert Byrd to ABC's Cokie Roberts. Sounds pretty firm.
38. Hip-Hop's Lauryn Hill either looks like Oprah Winfrey, or Oprah Winfrey looks like Lauryn Hill. I couldn't tell which one it was on that Essence magazine cover.
39. Winston cigarettes are appealing to the S&M crowd in their print ads. "When I say no additives, I mean no additives!" And on the opposite page is a leather/vinyl-clad woman in thigh-high boots with a whip. Okay, Okay, I'll buy 'em.
40. LIKE. The new Crispy M&M's. They're like Nestles bars inside.
41. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best ... Chocolate." Remember that, with the basset hound singing it?
42. GROAN. Politically Incorrect's out of Washington this whole upcoming week. Another venue for more of the same talking heads.
43. UH . . . Burning Down The House--Talking Heads on Sire, from 1983.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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