January 20, 2004


      HE SHOULD "REGULATE THE LIQUID INTAKE"

  1. . . . That's what Judge Rodney Melville told Michael Jackson's attorney Mark Geragos when he asked permission for his client to go to the bathroom.
  2. . . . Jackson seems takes a long time to go. He was in there for 10 minutes, it was reported. I hope it was cleaner than the one he went to when he was first arrested.
  3. A SHADOW OF HIMSELF. That's what American Idol judge Randy Jackson - no relation to Michael, I think - is. The man lost 100 pounds with stomach bypass, like Al Roker did. He has earrings in both ears and is on the cover of the current People.
  4. Would somebody tell former ridiculous talk show host Gordon Elliott to stop barging into people's houses and lives for his dumb ads for "Campbell's Instead" soup? (Instead of Progresso, I guess.) He's annoying. Is that the best job he can get now?
  5. It seems like everybody gets a chin implant in Extreme Makeover.
  6. IN AMERICA. Okay movie. About an Irish family that comes to New York City to try to make a go of it. Takes place in current day. The acting's pretty good but it struck me as sometimes unrealistic as far as some of the things they do and situations they're in. New York is portrayed as being too kind, in my book. Definitely an indie movie. And the closing credits were unbelievably long for such a small film. You wouldn't believe it.
  7. Johnnie Cochran is now a legal analyst for NBC News on the Michael Jackson case. Maybe he'll start making better quality ads for his Cochran Firm that specializes in getting money for people who claim medical malpractice. They call it America's Law Firm. Gimme a Break!
  8. I felt sorry for Michael Jackson's mother Katherine last week for the way she was herded into the courthoue and the look on her face as her son's motorcade was trying to make it through the crowds. The things Michael Jackson puts people through.
  9. An In Style reporter said Shaquille O'Neal had a bling, bling wedding.
  10. Friday was the fifth anniversary of Charlie Gibson and Diane Sawyer as hosts of Good Morning America. Remember when they said they'd only be there a year?
  11. Janet Jackson was fashionable in winter white at her brother's arraignment.
  12. THERE GOES PRIVACY II: Video cameras in cellphones. NBC's Kerry Sanders said that was the next thing coming up.
  13. "Do we have to hear a Beethoven symphony everytime somebody's cellphone rings?" That's what a friend of mine asked after hearing one that was particularly long. And I agree.
  14. Now there's bird flu to worry about. In Vietnam, four more suspected human cases of it caused by infected poultry were reported last week. It's been found in two other Asian countries.
  15. . . . "A well a everybody's heard about the bird ..." (Surfin' Bird - The Trashmen on Garrett Records, 1963)
  16. Diana Ross's ex-husband, shipping magnate Arne Naess, fell to his death while climbing a mountain near Cape Town. He and Ross had two children and were together for 14 years. She's had a rough year.
  17. "A BLIND MAN IN A ROOMFUL OF DEAF PEOPLE." That's how former Treasury secretary Paul O'Neill described President Bush when he'd talk to him. I say it's not very respectful of people with disabilities. Very P.I.
  18. . . . But Washington Post columnist Tina Brown said O'Neill did have a way of droning on and on whenever he talked about something.
  19. FYI: This year is leap year and Christmas falls on a Saturday. And it's also the Year of the Monkey in the Chinese calendar. (One Monkey Don't Stop No Show - Honey Cone did it on Hot Wax, 1972)
  20. So the Rosie O'Donnell-produced play Taboo is closing on Broadway. The Boy George musical shuts down Feb. 8 and O'Donnell loses a lot of money ($10 million investment). "Taboo' was by far the most fulfilling experience of my career. Many lessons were learned, and so it goes," she said in a statement. Didn't Linda Ellerbee used to say that? O'Donnell doesn't seem to be that upset at losing all that dough by saying that, it seems.
  21. Vicente Fox (President of Mexico) needs to lose the mustache. 70's look. (Every time you turn around he and Bush are meeting about something.)
  22. CNN's political campaign bus is called the Election Express and it's painted on the side of it. ABC has three buses with Vote 2004 painted on the side. They're designated the red, the white and the blue by in-house people. Does NBC have one?
  23. ARSENIO HALL. Yes, we've got to suffer another season of Star Search with him as the host. More hugging, kissing and barking on CBS.
  24. DENNIS MILLER. Yes, we've got to suffer through another TV show with his cynical sourness. Dennis Miller starts Jan. 26 on CNBC - I thought they were a business news network - at 9 p.m. weeknights.
  25. JOHN MCENROE. Yes, he's got a talk show too coming up. Also on business news network CNBC. Weeknights at 10, right after Miller. It'll be about the news of the day. Won't start until the spring. I can tell you right now how long that one'll last.
  26. And RYAN SEACREST. The American Idol host has his own daily talk show on the WB - On-Air. It started last week. Didn't hear much about it. It'd be easier for me to say if it was called On the Air.
  27. Why do the male reporters on Access Hollywood all start to talk like Pat O'Brien? Tony Potts does. It's a very affected, showbizzy way of reading a script - over-emphasizing words and skipping right along with a singsongy delivery. Flip
  28. "My hair goes with me when I run." That faux hair loss commercial that turns out to be an ad for Geico car insurance is pretty funny. They do the fake bit really well. Another guy says he used to wear his ball cap all the time - even in the pool.
  29. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, has quite a nose. She can smell the bread crumbs in the alley dumpster that the Firehook Bakery throws out from a pretty good distance. Isn't that incredible? Not. That's what dogs do Sniff.
  30. OPERA CROSSOVER. That would be Amici Forever who call themselves "the world's first opera band." The Opera Band is the name of their album and it's being advertised on TV and available at Target. They're young, classically trained sopranos (2), tenor (2) and basso (1).
  31. American Idol is back for season three. This week they're doing the whittling down shows where they show a few finalists but mostly show the ones rejected. Yes, they're cruel.
  32. So Kerry won Iowa. Made sense. He's more mainstream than Dean.
  33. Time and Charlie Rose have entered into an agreement to collaborate, USA Today reports. On Mondays the show will discuss issues and ideas that have appeared in the magazine. It started last week and this is what Rose discussed: "How Your Love Life Keeps You Healthy." They don't usually do those kinds of subjects on that show. They should've chosen Oprah or something, for crissakes.
  34. A company called Tanita ran a full-page ad showing a fat Mona Lisa to advertise its Prevent Obesity contest. Sorta funny..
  35. Diane Sawyer's on the cover of the February Ladies' Home Journal. She looks pretty glamorous in those shots. The article's a pretty long Q&A with mostly personal-type questions. She's 58, from Kentucky and loves southern food, like okra.
  36. Michael Jackson should change his sunglasses. They're aviator. He needs an update but then again, maybe they're timeless - just like him.
  37. Sorry, but Alicia Keys' version of Gladys Knight & The Pips' If I Were Your Woman doesn't come close.
  38. Paladin, Paladin, where do you roam ..." Remember that? It was the theme song of TV's Have Gun Will Travel (1957) western starring Richard Boone. Just had it in me old head.
  39. CLARIFICATION. For those who wonder, Nicole Richie of The Simple Life fame, is the adopted daughter (in 1990) of Lionel Richie and his ex-wife Brenda. She has been in touch with her biological parents but doesn't like to discuss them. This courtesy of Rolling Stone magazine.
  40. UH . . . Penny Lover - Lionel Richie on Motown. Don't have the year handy. Some thought that song was a bit wussy-ish.


rocci@roccifisch.com

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