THE WEATHER: NICE DURING THE WEEK, LOUSY ON THE WEEKENDS

1. . . . Can Mel Gibson talk to somebody and fix it?
2. "I'll tell you what Simon did to me under the table. He's sooo bad," said Paula Abdul about American Idol judge Simon Cowell on an Entertainment Tonight coming up bumper. Boy, she's high-brow journalism.
3. . . . And speaking of intellectuals, what do you think of the new Michael Jackson? Wearing down-played suit, tie and glasses. He improved his appearance for his arraignment appearance last Friday. Those specs. Nothing special. They look like he bought them at CVS.
4. Why does Isabella Rossellini always dress like a man?
5. TROJAN HORSE MARKETING. That's what's going on with the Pierce Brosnan/Julianne Moore movie, Laws of Attraction. Her picture's shown in an ad for a law firm (Audrey Woods LLC) that specializes in divorce cases, mentioned previously in this space. I Am Not A Shark headlines it and it looks legit. But it's not. And the movie Godsend is doing it too, advertising as a medical firm with a phony Web site (www.godsend.com , click on Institute) about cloning. Using Life to Create Life, their slogan It's all to get publicity for the movies.
6. So Ted Koppel reading the names of some 700 American dead in Iraq came and went on Nightline. The network gave the show some more time in order to get all of the names in the show. As Koppel read each one from left to right - two were on the screen at a time - the first one stayed up while he was announcing the second one and so on. So it gave you a little more time to look at the photos. They weren't instantly changed. When there wasn't a picture they used a shot of flag-draped coffins. Koppel said the Nightline staff checked with families for the names that were hard to pronounce.
7. Some people say Iraq's a quagmire, like Vietnam. Quagmire seemed to fit Nam better because the word means "an area of miry or boggy ground whose surface yields under the tread." That makes sense for a southeast Asian country. But Iraq seems more urban or something. We need a drier term. Anybody got one?
8. NEW NAME/MOVE. To me, at least. Melissa Stark, Today show National Correspondent. She reported last Saturday from the Kentucky Derby. She's good. And Susan Roberts, formerly a reporter/anchor for Washington's ABC7 News is now with News4.
9. Tom Selleck looks very stern in that promo shot for Ike: Countdown to D-Day. He plays the former president (Dwight David Eisenhower) on the A&E special which airs on May 31 at 8. And yes, he's minus the mustache.
10. The Olsen twins don't want to be called that anymore. They're two individuals and their publicist has made it clear that Mary-Kate and Ashley have separate identities. For example, Mary-Kate now has reddish-brown hair and Ashley's is blond.
11. Singer k.d. lang started a 46-city North American tour last Friday and she'll be backed by symphony orchestras along the way. Why do that? She's fine the way she is with her own band.
12. Dylan McDermott returned to The Practice as Bobby and gave a rah-rah speech in favor of Eugene becoming a judge. He had a full-faced beard and looked like crap.
13. Now there's an "official American Idol" Nokia phone which features inside scoop stuff about the show, contestants, tours, judges, etc. There are Simon Ring Tones That Will Make You Cringe.
14. FUNNY. A promo for the Mean Girls movie has one of the characters saying, "I'm psychic, like I've got ESPN or something." Ha Ha Ha.
15. Mona Lisa is 500 years old and is showing some wear so the Louvre in France is going to do some tests. The thin panel of poplar wood she was painted on in 1514 by Leonardo DiCaprio, er … I mean Da Vinci, is warping. Is that why she's always had a warped sense of humor? Ha Ha Ha.
16. They say they show Brad Pitt's bare butt in Troy. And he's got some more naked pix coming up in Vanity Fair. What these people won't do to plug a movie.
17. Mr. Big Stuff is sick of cicadas and sick of Friends. "I wish they would both die," he said.
18. I hope Natalie Morales succeeds Katie Couric on Today. She's purrty.
19. AH-CHOO. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, visited her new house and got the sneezes because of all the dust created by laying new tile. But she got over it by staying overnight in another nice hotel with owner Sally.
20. UH . . . Do the Choo Choo - Archie Bell & The Drells on Atlantic. 1968. Their follow-up to Tighten Up.
21. This was a short one. Hope you don't mind.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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