A MALE WITHOUT A SONG IS A MALE WITHOUT A MATE

1. . . . That's birds we're talking about. Usually it's the male who does the singing, and each species has its own "song," so says the current edition of Wild Bird News.
2. . . . Chirp, chirp, chirp. Ain't spring great?
3. Clinton seems to be wearing an awful lot of makeup lately. For his recent news conference, and in last night's interview with Dan Rather. It looked caked-on and too white-ish. No natural color shining through.
4. IS IT THE SAME VOICE? The announcer for Peter Jenning's The Century and the woman who sells Tylenol's Simply Sleep and says "Take Comfort In Our Strength." (It's unique. She sounds older.)
5. Now wives are catching their husbands eating at spicy food restaurants they shouldn't be in because they get heartburn easy. They're there because they take Pepcid AC.
6. PEAK TIME . . . For Washington's Tidal Basin cherry blossoms, projected to be April 5-8.
7. That Pentagon spokesman Ken Bacon sure likes big bow ties. (Can he make 'em spin?)
8. Supposedly 10-10-220 donates money to Farm Aid. (Won't Willie Nelson be happy?)
9. . . . How many of those numbers are there?
10. Dionne Warwick plays a grandmother whose granddaughter's been in a coma for twenty years. That on the Disney Channel's So Weird series. The show's main character Fi receives strange messages over her website thought to be sent telepathically by an unconscious girl. Sounds Psychic Friends Network-enough, doesn't it?
11. CLEVER SLOGAN: London Fog, Weather Or Not.
12. CBS's Charles Osgood says, "See you on the radio" when he's on TV and "See you on the television" when he's on radio.
13. A WALK ON THE MOON. Not about the space program, but a movie out now that takes place in 1969 when Neil Armstrong did it, and when Woodstock happened. About an affair a married woman has with a travelling salesman in the Catskills. Dustin Hoffman was one of the producers, but isn't in the film.
14. . . . The Woodstock scenes are done well. All the hippies and the highs. But the kids look so young. (Were we that young-looking back then?)
15. So what's the girl holding a chainsaw in her hand doing in an ad for Winston cigarettes that says, "SWF looking for SWM to share quiet evenings. Possibly more."? Winston used to be much more mainstream. Now they're violent and kinky.
16. "What's The Matrix?" What's the frequency? What's the 911?
17. A CONCEPT THAT'S TIRED: Putting the heads of famous people on other bodies.
18. Is Tom Hanks now the conscience of World War II because of his role in Saving Private Ryan and is that why he's lobbying for a war memorial on the Mall?
19. Rappers=Gunfire. Happens a lot.
20. How do Christiane Amanpour and Jamie Rubin have time to be married?
21. Chelsea Clinton looked really fashionable riding that camel over in the dunes of Morocco. She had the traditional head wrap thing going on. Hillary didn't. She was in a ball cap and sneakers.
22. Will your dentures be dreaming in a glass of Efferdent Plus tonight?
23. QVC was selling bamboo accent hobo bags last week.
24. . . . Hobo. That's a word you never hear anymore. Guess it's politically incorrect now.
25. "A TV event one hundred years in the making." That's what they say in those promos for The Century on ABC. Did it take that long to produce?
26. I'VE GOTTA KNOW. Does Maria Shriver wear hair extensions? Is that lion's mane all hers?
27. The news is really hard now. (Post-Monica)
28. Craig Kilborn looks like a smart aleck.
29. Elizabeth Hurley sure knows how to kiss in EDtv. She's all over Matthew McConaughey.
30. . . . Also, she's in everything. Every movie, every magazine, every TV commercial. Is Hugh Grant enough for her?
31. Tom Snyder. It's about time he got off TV.
32. According to USA TODAY, Sandra Bullock was asked by Movieline magazine "how often her mouth has fit perfectly with another person's." She said this: "Once. And the sad thing is, you spend the rest of your life looking for it again. There's nothing like it."
33. . . . How do they come up with these questions?
34. TALK ABOUT BEING PRE-OCCUPIED: The man left his daughter in the van.
35. RollingStone does its share of selling sex on its magazine covers. Everytime you turn around, it's another scantily clothed young'un. This time, 17 year-old . . . Baby One More Time Britney Spears. And more suggestive, titillating photography's inside.
36. Vas, the femme fatale, is sick of Billy Crystal's schtick and didn't like Analyze This even though the movie's a big hit.
37. Fabio got goosed.
38. LISTENING TO . . . The Prayer Cycle. A new album of religious-sounding choral music featuring Alanis Morissette, James Taylor, Linda Ronstadt, and big names in the world music genre. Just in time for Easter, but actually done as a musical contemplation on what the world will hold for composer Jonathan Elias' newborn child.
39. . . . Some of it's used on The Century. (I think it's the one where Alanis Morissette is wailing in Hungarian.)
40. That Staples boss who thinks he can use the copier machine while the secretary's away and winds up getting toner all over his face is really funny. All their commercials are. ("Staples. Yeah, we've got that.")
41. "Malicious Melissa." Dan Rather said it as a tease for that computer virus story on the CBS Evening News. Try saying that three times.
42. UH . . . Don't Cry Out Loud – Melissa Manchester, on Arista. From 1982. If I never hear that song again . . .
43. Did Ryan's Daughter win an Academy Award this year? Oh sorry, it was Private Ryan. Ha Ha Ha.
44. And a second UH for April Fool's Day: What A Fool Believes by The Doobie Brothers, on Warner Bros., from 1979. (Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald wrote it.)

rocci@roccifisch.com

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