THE DIVAS CAME OUT LAST NIGHT

1. . . . In New York, at the Beacon Theater. Good show. (Observances interspersed here.)
2. Diva is a very loosely interpreted term now. It's come to mean anything.
3. . . . They even called Elton John one. Why do they consider him a diva? I thought it was a female term.
4. David Duchovny always looks miserable, except he is smiling in some pictures in next week's TV Guide. (How'd that guy get an acting job?)
5. Paula Jones' hair is now even lighter. Guess that's how she's using the money she got from the president.
6. DIVA WATCH: Donald Trump was in the audience with some gal pal, wanting to be seen.
7. THE RICH GET RICHER. Sales for Rolls Royces and Bentleys are up 300%. Must be nice.
8. Sen. John Kerry'll never go bald. God that guy's got a head of hair.
9. Anyway you look at it, Kevorkian killed people.
10. DIVA WATCH: There was Donatella Versace with all that straight, blonde hair. (I don't know that many Italians with light-colored hair, do you?)
11. NEW TV JUDGE. Gerry Sheindlin, Judge Judy's husband, who's also a judge in real life. He's getting The People's Court show. (They're dumping Ed Koch.) You know the only reason they're putting him on is because Judy's so popular. The way people get jobs in TV ...
12. . . . Watch that marriage end.
13. HURT SITTING? Those people in the Preparation H commercials don't sit full-flat on their behinds. They sort of ease up on one side.
14. CBS News' Scott Pelley's stopped wearing scarves now, I guess, because the weather's getting better there at the White House.
15. The Transitions eyeglass lenses number is 1-800-4-TRANSITIONS. That comes out to twelve digits. You only need seven for a phone number. Where do the others go when you, uh, dial 'em? (LATER: After actually dialing it, a recording comes on that says the "call can't be completed as entered." That's nice. Good for business.)
16. "At one point I was dying for a White Castle burger," said magician David Blaine, recalling his time in the coffin. But then he said he didn't even eat burgers. I guess he remembered their stunning flavor from childhood.
17. . . . Here in the Washington area our version of those hamburgers was served at the Little Taverns. We used to call them deathballs. Buy 'Em by the Bag was their slogan.
18. . . . There's something I don't like/trust about David Blaine. And was that whole coffin stunt done now because he's got a special on ABC tonight? Probably.
19. DIVA WATCH: Whitney Houston last night several times resembled her aunt, Dionne Warwick, and even sounded a little bit like her once or twice.
20. . . . All Chaka Khan did was scream.
21. OVERKILL: Entertainment Tonight's practically every night stories on Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart. Enough already.
22. That opposing attorney in the Jenny Jones court case (Geoffrey Fieger) is really aggressive. He's after Jenny. And she's standing up to him; she's not zoned-out like she seemed back in '96. (She looks plain in court though – not all done up like she is when she's on TV.)
23. THE ANNOUNCER SAID: "Dan Rather, reporting tonight from Yugoslavia." I thought we didn't call it that anymore.
24. DIVA WATCH: From where I saw the Divas show, there was interference on Whitney's microphone when she was singing I Will Always Love You. Was that just my TV set? (It was a shame.)
25. First it was SUVs. (Sports Utility Vehicles). Now the Navy's got UAVs. (Unmanned Aerial Vehicles). They're maybe gonna be used by the Navy for reconnaissance flights over Kosovo.
26. Peter Jennings has had a busy time with The Century project. Now he's got fifteen more shows about it on the History Channel. He's earning his moola.
27. . . . And by the way, I was asking whose voice that was that did most of the announcing on The Century. I've been told by two people that it was Linda Hunt, the actress. Remember her in The Year of Living Dangerously? And she's also recently been on The Practice.
28. Firemen don't want to be called heroes. It's part of their job. So can the media stop doing it?
29. Bruce Springsteen's put on some pounds. Looks something like Johnny Cash.
30. Now Cosmopolitan magazine's got a swimsuit issue coming out. They say the models won't be as anorexic-looking as Sports Illustrated's. Next time, give the full-figureds a chance.
31. DIVA WATCH: Tina Turner was the Simply The Best.
32. . . . She struts like a rooster on the stage and sometimes seems to crow.
33. Why were those cages they had the beavers in so low-ceiling-ed? Seemed cramped.
34. . . . My beaver recollection is Bucky, who helped sell Ipana toothpaste. They still make that?
35. "Not the brightest crayon in the box" was how Washington News7 weatherman Dan Henry characterized a sent-in picture of someone's cat sleeping under a pillow instead of on it.
36. DIDN'T LAST: Brooke and Andre. It's reported that he filed for the divorce and states that they are "incompatible in their tastes, natures, views, likes and dislikes, which have become widely separate and divergent." Guess they grew apart.
37. General Wesley Clark, NATO supreme commander, was on four talk shows last Sunday. He's in the running with William Ginsburg, the lawyer who first represented Monica Lewinsky. He was all over the place too.
38. Tony Bennett's got a good rug goin' on – most of the time.
39. DIVA WATCH: That announcer on last night's Divas show should be fired. Who coached her?
40. They say Fabio's suing the amusement park. Is it their fault a goose collided with a passenger?
41. UNUSUAL: Both of Slobodan Milosevic's parents committed suicide.
42. My sister thinks Goldie Hawn looks like Shelley Long in The Out-of-Towners movie.
43. DIVAS IN A NUTSHELL:
    1. Tina – Great
    2. Cher – Good, but she probably lip-synched Believe. (Cheating)
    3. Elton John – Good, but had a few too many songs to sing in the beginning.
    4. LeAnn Rimes – Good, she's a talent. Lotta years to go.
    5. Brandy – Lightweight. Not in the league. Sings too low. More an actress.
    6. Faith Hill – Likable, but that awful Kiss song's gotta go.
    7. Whitney – Good, but song selections not memorable.
    8. Mary J. Blige – Okay, but limited range. Sing more; wail less.
    9. Chaka Khan – A disappointment.
44. UH . . . I'm Every Woman – Chaka Khan on Warner Bros., from 1978, and then Whitney Houston did it in 1993. Written by Nick Ashford & Valerie Simpson. They ended the show on it last night, but Tina and Cher weren't there.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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