TIRED OF JENNIFER LOPEZ?

1. . . . She's everywhere. On the cover of RollingStone magazine scantily clad in Zena-like warrior bikini garb that reveals a lot. Her album's #1 and her movie, The Wedding Planner's #1. And next week she's the host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live.
2. Oprah asks, "Do people in your life overstep their boundaries?" Kick 'em out.
3. They say only 1 in 3000 calico cats is male. Why that? Guess those males stay pretty busy.
4. A contestant on Jay Leno's Battle of the Jay Walk All Stars called Niagara Falls, Viagra Falls.
5. Those XFL cheerleaders sure were seen a lot on Saturday's first game. Each one seems to really vie for the camera to get noticed with their shimmying moves. Wholesome they seem-NOT.
6. GOOD GROUP SOUND: Liquid Soul, out of Chicago. They were on CBS Saturday Morning and did a few numbers. They're jazz-funk and they want to bring jazz back to the dancefloor. (We saw that in Ken Burns' Jazz doc on PBS.) Nina Simone's daughter sang with them on a number. Remind me of AWB (The Average White Band).
7. In light of all the cuts they made at CNN, someone said James Earl Jones will be recording a new ID for the cable network. It'll say, "This is what's left of CNN."
8. Punxsutawney Phil the groundhog was right. It's cold. Brr.
9. NEW THING: A scanning machine that checks licenses for age ID at night clubs or wherever young people drink. They were doing it the other night in D.C.'s Adams Morgan.
10. Should "crissakes" be capitalized?
11. How'd you like to have your leg amputated in order to get out of an earthquake?
12. SICK OF . . . Wrapped sandwiches (Wraps). To me, they're no longer the big new thing. I'm not interested in having a Caesar salad with chicken in a wrapped up tight in a sandwich, thank you. Too sloppy. Eventually runny too.
13. NOTICED. The wardrobe of Sean "Puffy" Combs has changed. Gone are the white fur coats, chains and sunglasses. He's now dressed conservatively for the court. The Washington Post's Fashion Editor Robin Givhan had a great article on all that this past week.
14. WANT TO SEE: These Old Broads, with Joan Collins, Shirley MacLaine, Liz Taylor, and Debbie Reynolds. They all look like they're having fun. On ABC February 12.
15. Those American Legacy Foundation anti-smoking PSAs (Public Service Announcements) are really making the point. The one that sounds like a voice machine comes from a man who's obviously had his larynx taken out because of cancer and has to use one of those vibrating things. Scary.
16. Benicio's outpacing Antonio (Banderas). Remember him?
17. . . . It'll cool down. The hot commodity now. Flavor of the moment.
18. DISAPPOINTED: In Shadow of the Vampire. There wasn't enough of it. It came and went. Just a slice of a story. Ending abrupt. And whoever was raving about that stupid overly long stylized open should get a life. It was boring. But overall, good performances and a unique idea. It just didn't seem all there.
19. . . . A Reston, Virginia viewer of Sharon Waxman's online discussion program for washingtonpost.com/Live Online said of Willem Dafoe, "He does overplay the villain well. Really chews up the scenery." Well put.
20. DON'T MIND IF I EVER HEAR THIS AGAIN: "Who let the dogs out!"
21. Judy Woodruff makes me un-nervous.
22. Does eating lentil soup make me religious?
23. CURRENT AFFECTATION: Those cable TV anchors continue to stand up instead of sit down at the anchor desk. It looks funny if they do it right there. Relax. A friend of mine said, "Just sit down and give me the news. That's what I'm tuning in for."
24. OLD NEWS: Matthew McConaughey likes to play the bongos naked.
25. NEW SHOW. MSNBC'S The First Hundred Days, hosted by newspaperman Mike Barnicle. About Bush, obviously. Another talking head show. Barnicle said his ideal guest is someone who can talk for eight minutes and "then we go to a commercial and sell some Spic and Span." Remember that product? Obviously a baby boomer.
26. CNNfn's new name is CNN Money. That's more like it.
27. KNOW THIS? Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
28. Someone said this about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: "Visual effects were stunning, but few and far between. I expected much more of the fight sequences. Good love story, but it just didn't blow my skirt up." Okay Marilyn Monroe.
29. FORGETFUL. People lose all kinds of things on Washington's Metro. I left my sneakers on the train the other day. Talking to a kiosk manager, he said that was nothing. Some people leave their kids on the platform while they get into the train. It's happened.
30. They say 2 Aleve equals 8 Tylenol. Who in the hell takes 8 Tylenol in one day?
31. Birds are beginning to tweet out there. Maybe the groundhog'll be wrong.
32. Matthew Perry got hooked on Vicodin after dental surgery. That's a big new drug now that's sold on the streets. Powerful pain reliever.
33. I wish Frugal Fannie would jump out that window she's shoveling money out of.
34. Dyan Cannon's hair looked like an enormously thick bunch of kinkified string this week on TV.
35. THOUGHTFUL. Some author on Diane Rehm's radio show in Washington said the average person experiences 20,000 thoughts every day. How many are dirty?
36. Those Survivors' eyes looked like opossum eyes with that night time infrared camera on them when they were all getting ready for beddy-bye.
37. Does Clinton want to be in New York City because Monica's there?
38. DOPE TALK. 420. "Let's 420," means "Let's smoke pot." ; "I'm 420-ed," means "I'm stoned." This according to a USA TODAY article about marijuana and NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.)
39. UH . . . Let's Go Get Stoned-Ray Charles on ABC-Paramount, from 1966.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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