May 8, 2012

 

GOLDEN BOY

 

  1. JUST ASKING. Marco Rubio, the junior senator ( R ) from Florida . . . who died and made him king? He had an awful lot to say (on Fox News Sunday) about everything: politics, the election, Obama, the economy, voting blocks, etc.
  2. . . . Every interview somebody has with him is called an “ exclusive,” a maximally overused term by the ever-intrusive media hounds.
  3. . . . Everybody’s courting him and flocking to his feet.
  4. . . . Some say he’s now considered to be the leading candidate as Mitt Romney’s vice president.
  5. . . . Has he had enough experience for that? He just got voted into the Congress last year.
  6. . . . Slow down a bit.
  7. OBSERVATION. If cable TV news went from 24/7 to 48/14 they’d still be blabbing away unnecessarily.
  8. . . . Get rid of all the hot air and bring back the good ole days of dead air.
  9. . . . I’d rather stare at a blank screen.
  10. SYNCHRONICITY. President Obama’s speech seemed ‘ out of sync ’ last Tuesday night from Afghanistan when he was talking about troop pullouts.
  11. . . . EXPLANATION. The sound of his voice appeared slightly ahead of the movement of his lips, a technical problem probably due to the satellite transmission .
  12. . . . It looked like he was mouthing his words before the sound came out.
  13. . . . Sometimes the problem can be corrected during a live or taped broadcast by skilled TV engineers but I didn’t see any proof of that.
  14. . . . Of all the networks, PBS seemed to be the least ‘ out-of-sync.’
  15. . . . Maybe management held their noses to the grindstone in order to produce a technical product they could be proud of - unlike the commercial nets. After all, it was the president of the United States .
  16. MORE INTRUSION. Facebook is now in the business of organ donations. CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced in a news release last week that “ users ” (drug users?) can now choose to indicate on their ‘ homepages ’ that they wish to become organ donors. (Bragging?)
  17. . . . You can choose an option (of course, what would today’s world be without ‘ options ’?) to decide how much of the “ public ” you wish to notify and you can also explain why you’re making the choice.
  18. . . . A link will then be provided by the social media giant to connect the donator to a state registry.
  19. . . . It’s yet another example, says Zuckerberg, of the power that “sharing and connection” can play in life.
  20. . . . Share this.
  21. UNDERWEARING. They’re crossing America and asking people to try on new Depend ( sic) Silhouette briefs.
  22. . . . “Today we’re rocking the red carpet,” says a company spokesman in a new TV commercial.
  23. . . . “Look, it’s Lisa Rinna [standing with perplexed-looking, real-life husband Harry Hamlin ]. Lisa, hi. I know you don’t need one but will you try on these new Depend Silhouette briefs for charity and prove just how great the fit is even under a fantastic dress?”
  24. . . . “Are you serious?” asks the actress / host/reality TV contestant/author. “Sure, why not?”
  25. . . . Off she goes to put them on, comes back out.
  26. . . . “She’s doing it,” the excited spokesman gushes, offering up a high-five to a now stunned-looking Harry Hamlin.
  27. . . . CUT TO FACELESS MODEL DEMONSTRATING the “ Leading White Bargain Brand ” and “ Depend,” showing no panty lines.
  28. . . . “The best protection now looks, feels and fits like the best underwear,” announces the spokesman.
  29. . . . “Hey Lisa, who you wearing,” yells an off-camera paparazzi.
  30. . . . “She’s wearing the new Depend Silhouettes.”
  31. . . . The couple departs hand-in-hand with Lisa leading the way.
  32. . . . As they go off Hamlin looks down, stares at her behind and growls like a hungry wolf in approval.
  33. . . . What an actor.
  34. . . . MORE ON RINNA. She’s also advertising “ The Flex Belt.” “It’s easy, I wear it every day and my abs are there to show for it,” she says in her testimonial.
  35. . . . “With my schedule I can’t do an ab workout every day, but I’ll use the Flex Belt because I’m doing other things at the same time.”
  36. . . . Yeah, it’s as easy as all that.
  37. . . . She’ll do anything.
  38. MISSPEAKING. Sen. Dianne Feinstein ( D-Calif. ) was a guest along with Rep. Mike Rogers ( R-Mich. ), both chairs of the Senate and House intelligence committees respectively, on Candy Crowley’s State of the Union Sunday talk show ( CNN ).
  39. . . . Feinstein had just returned from Afghanistan and Crowley asked whether she thought the Taliban was weaker or stronger now.
  40. . . . Feinstein said she thought they were stronger.
  41. . . . She further emphasized the importance of Pakistan and the fact that the visiting entourage was not able to talk with “the Pakistani leader” about cracking down on the militant Islamic group in Afghanistan .
  42. . . . “We need your help on the “ IUD ”factories,” she said she would have told the Pakistan i chief. “We need your help to see that the Haqqani in North Waziristan is stopped . . .”
  43. . . . Wait. Did I hear that right? Did she say “ IUD ”?
  44. . . . I didn’t think the topic of the show was birth control and intrauterine devices, was it?
  45. . . . I guess she meant to say “ IED ” ( improvised explosive devices ) instead. That makes more sense in a place of war.
  46. . . . No mention was made of the on-air goof .
  47. . . . The talking heads just kept talking as they always do and remained oblivious to the boo-boo.
  48. CEMENT SHOES. That’s what it’s gonna take to keep Whitney Houston’s body from being grave-robbed, reported British tabloid the Daily Star recently.
  49. . . . Why? Houston was buried in a gold-lined coffin along with $800,000 worth of jewelry and the family’s worried that thieves in the night might dig up the grave to get to the loot.
  50. . . . The family has been paying for round-the-clock security but say that they can’t keep laying out that much money to protect the superstar singer forever.
  51. . . . So they’re planning to dig up the grave and encase the coffin in concrete to make it harder for the ‘vandals to take the handles’ (“ Subterranean Homesick Blues ”-Bob Dylan, 1963 on Columbia Records ).
  52. . . . She should’ve been put in a vault in the first place.
  53. SENDOFF. When Gladys Knight (a fan favorite) was eliminated from “ Dancing With the Stars” three weeks ago the band played “ Midnight Train to Georgia ,” her and The Pips’s 1973 Grammy-winning hit song ( Buddah Records ), to serenade her off.
  54. . . . The song tells the story about a musician boyfriend who leaves Georgia to try to make it in L.A. to become a “ superstar but he didn’t get far.”
  55. . . . He gives up and goes back “to the life he once knew.”
  56. . . . “ He’s leaving,” sings Gladys, “ . . . on that “Midnight Train to Georgia . . .”
  57. . . . So when the results for the dance competition were announced and revealed that Knight herself was “ leaving ” (eliminated) from the competition, the in-house vocal group changed the gender of the original song lyrics and sang, “ She’s leaving . . . ,” customizing the lyrics just for her.
  58. . . . Clever, I guess.
  59. . . . (I hated to see her go but the showoffs seemed to have the upper hand.)
  60. THEY CHANGED THE LYRICS FOR THIS ONE TOO. “ Stree eee eee eee eam, stream, stream, stream . . . ”
  61. . . . “When I want you ... in my arms. When I want you ... and all your charms. Whenever I want you all I have to do is stream.”
  62. . . . (This, in an ad for XFINITY’s ‘Streampix’ movie service.)
  63. . . . ( Streaming meaning a constant flow of multimedia information ( audio, video) over the Internet.)
  64. . . . SOURCE. The modified lyric was “appropriated” from “ All I Have to Do Is Dream,” a huge hit for The Everly Brothers back in 1958.
  65. . . . ORIGINAL LYRICS: “ Dree eee eee eee eam, dream, dream, dream . . .”
  66. . . . Rip this off, rip that off.
  67. . . . FYI: The writers of the tune, Felice and Boudleaux Bryant , also penned “ Wake Up, Little Susie ” and “ Bird Dog ” for the Everlys as well as hits for Roy Orbison and Buddy Holly and many others.
  68. President Obama’s new election campaign slogan is, simply, “ Forward,” indicating (as reported by CBS News ) that “there is more work to be done” in a second term.
  69. . . . (Why not Moving Forward or Forward March?)
  70. . . . The Washington Metro subway also uses “Forward,” plastering the word over every wall of the ailing transportation system with pictures of happy people in the ads. They want you to believe that things will get better and that they’re working on upgrades for the people.
  71. . . . And of course, MSNBC’s uses “ Lean Forward ” - epitomized in ads for their on-air hosts and their own P.O.V. ( Point of View ) non-objective journalism and philosophies.
  72. . . . So I guess “ forward ” in these instances means keeping up the momentum, no turning back, progressive thinking.
  73. . . . It all sounds a bit B.S.-y to me.
  74. . . . I think I’ll Fall Backwards.
  75. BIT OF AN OVERSTATEMENT . Rick Santorum , who has dropped out of the presidential race, wrote in an e-mail to his constituents that Mitt Romney had his endorsement and support to win this, “the most critical election of our lifetime.”
  76. . . . Ah, they all say that every four years. Everything’s a crisis and of the utmost importance.
  77. . . . (“ Somewhere in My Lifetime ”-Phyllis Hyman, 1978 on Arista Records.)
  78. That New Jersey “ tan mom ” ( Patricia Krentcil ) reminded me of a woman I often see around town who dresses all in white and wears shoe polish all over her face, the purpose of which is . . . God knows.
  79. . . . They both look like Wyle E. Coyote after the dynamite stick blows up in his face (to paraphrase Jimmy Kimmel ).
  80. . . . The Today show played the refrain “ Burn Baby Burn!” from “Disco Inferno ” ( The Trammps , 1976 , on Atlantic Records ) to plug an upcoming segment about the tanned obsessive who has been charged with child endangerment for allegedly taking her five-year-old daughter to a tanning salon and getting burned.
  81. . . . Snooki ( Nicole Polizzi ) of Jersey Shore had this to say about her “The b_ _ _ _ is crazy. Everyone knows you’re not supposed to take kids there.”
  82. . . . ‘The shoe leathered/weathered-looking mom, who looks like she sucked bus exhaust, said in response, “She’s the biggest a_ _ hole in the world. She’s fake, she’s fat, her t _ts are fake, she’s disgusting.”
  83. . . . ”When all this is done I’d like to meet with Snoopy,” concluded Krentcil, either purposely calling the reality star by the wrong name or just getting back at her for being so nasty and critical.
  84. . . . UH . . . “ What’s Your Name ” - Don & Juan, on Big Top Records, 1966.


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