Rocci Fisch

May 31, 2007

A BIRD POOPED ON THE PRESIDENT

. . . In the White House Rose Garden last Thursday during George Bush's press conference.
. . . It just came out of the air, as birds often doo-doo.
. . . The white dropping landed on the left sleeve of his suit jacket.
. . . He didn't notice it at first.
. . . Nobody else seemed to notice either or at least didn't say anything. It was the president, after all, and sort of embarrassing.
. . . He wiped it quickly away with his bare hand.
. . . Did I notice a slight snicker on his part?
. . . He took a sip of water.
. . . "Eww," someone said in the editing room where I watched it. "Same hand," said the editor.
. . . "Unsanitary," someone else said, "Should've had a handkerchief."
. . . This was the President of the United States at a news conference. Someone should have asked him for his reaction.
. . . Then he checked his sleeve again and wiped it away again, a little harder.
. . . What's this a sign of?
. . . Somebody up there doesn't like him?
. . . Some say it serves him right because of the war in Iraq
. . . Nevertheless he continued on with his somewhat long and wide-ranging press conference as if nothing happened.
. . . So he can roll with the punches.
. . . He adjusts to roadblocks.
. . . He's flexible.
THE PEOPLE SPOKE. Against Barbra Streisand and her ticket prices, $201 to $1,210 per, for the first stop of her European tour to be held at the Flaminio Stadium in Italy. "Absurd and shameful," said consumer groups in Rome, who urged Italian authorities to deny permission for her to sing. The Streisand camp pulled out but insisted that it was "absolutely not" related to the protests. Hmm ... so who's telling the truth?
. . . Why does she have to charge that much? Who can afford those prices? Is she worth it?
WAITRESS. Small, indie movie written, directed and starring Adrienne Shelly as one of three diner waitresses (Dawn) in a small town (Keri Russell as Jenna and Cheryl Hines as Becky are the other two, with Russell the focus of the movie). They each have their own problems in life and love. NOTE: Adrienne Shelly, in real life, was murdered in her apartment in New York City in November 2006, tragic.
. . . Russell shines in the role but plays the unhappy one who is pregnant and stuck with a mean, suspicious husband (Jeremy Sisto). She's known for her homemade pies which have funny names and ingredients and are spotlighted in overhead shots at various places throughout the film. She falls for a new man in town, Dr. Pomatter (Nathan Fillion), and there are, obviously, complications.
. . . Of all people, Andy Griffith is in this. He plays the owner of the diner, a kind, old man who comes in a lot to taste the pies and offer advice to unhappy camper Jenna. Good to see him again, pleasant. Where's Barney?
. . . Overall, nice little movie but very elementary and slight, I'd say.
IF YOU ASK ME. I'm tired of the whole Oceans Thirteen(13) crowd - especially George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Andy Garcia. They're all a little too cool and too big for their britches. The slicked-back hair, the summer suits, lolling around in Cannes. Gimme a Break! I hope the movie flops.
Kevin Costner now has a "soul patch." That's one of those mini-growths right under his lower lip and above his chinny, chin chin. The patch, according to Wikipedia, came out of the 40s and 50s and was popular with beatniks and jazz musicians.
. . . So does he play an instrument?
. . . He's out plugging his latest flick, Mr. Brooks, a psychological thriller in which he plays an addict with a "murderous alter ego."
I owner Sally should have Hanalie's, dog in the neighborhood, DNA tested. They're doing that now, dog owners. Sally says she's part beagle, possibly part Jack Russell and part chow but testing could either confirm or deny that.
. . . After all, it's important to know her pedigree.
. . . Good God, I'll believe anything now.
That Monica Lewinsky, er ... I mean Goodling woman, the one who testified on the Hill last week in the case of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and the investigation into the firing of nine U.S. attorneys, looked like she stepped right out of a Breck shampoo ad. The hair, cascading down, blonde, full and wisped around at the ends. She admitted she "crossed the line"/made boo-boo by considering the political beliefs of job applicants for the Justice Department. Sounds complicated.
OLD NEWS BUT . . . Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria (Gabrielle) is roller skating with Jessica Simpson in her music video for A Public Affair, a light, breezy ditty that takes place in a roller skating rink. Also along for the ride with Ms. Simpson are Christina Applegate and Christina Milian. They're all going 'round and 'round the rink, having fun and being silly. At the beginning of the video, the girls are being chauffeured by none other than American Idol host Ryan Seacrest, who turns around from the steering wheel to reveal himself for one quick second. And during the song they often show fractured crazy guy Andy Dick (I think that's him.) He's everywhere.
. . . So they all look like they're having good, clean fun - except sometimes for Dick who can be lascivious.
. . . But one other thing ... Eva/Gabby seems too old for these young'uns. A little out of place, but she does seem to hold her own and it looks like she's really skating and reacting to pratfalls, etc. Good for publicity, I guess.
LATER: I was just notified by a younger generation co-worker that Christina Applegate is actually older (36) than Eva(32), so she's probably the granny in the group. Coulda fooled me. Eva seems older to me, looks more sophisticated. So I was wrong and I'm man enough to admit my mistakes.
The press often calls the Supreme Court, SCOTUS, for short, an acronym for Supreme Court of the United States. That's okay. But they also refer to the Justices as The Supremes, which I don't like.
. . . Maybe it's my respect for R&B that prompts my disapproval.
So Stone Phillips is OUT at NBC. Didn't renew his contract. Been hosting Dateline for 15 years. This is the thanks you get in the business. Nothing else left for him a the network after all that time?
. . . Most of the stories say that Dateline is probably best known for To Catch a Predator, that tabloid ensnarement expose where Chris Hansen takes on the role judge and jury of online child predators. CORRECTION. The show's done much more than that in 15 years. It's been probably one of the most successful TV magazines ever, but memories nowadays are short.
. . . Hope to see Mr. Stone show up somewhere else. There's a lot out there these days, good luck to him finding another place to work.
MICHAEL BUBLE = The poor man's Frank Sinatra. I don't care what you say, he's a copy, the way he finger-snap-sings his versions of the American standards. And his new CD, Call Me Irresponsible ... , Jack Jones had the first hit on that way back in 1963 (Kapp Records).
. . . At least he has good taste.
Democrat Bill Richardson, governor of New Mexico, announced his candidacy for president last week. He did it in both English and Spanish and both are available for viewing on his Web site, www.RichardsonforPresident.com. Before he made his announcement, I don't recall him commenting about his heritage. Now he's making a point out of it.
. . . Are people supposed to vote for him just because of that?
. . . He looks like he got new teeth. But maybe they're just veneers. Smiling more often.
. . . Oh, and the week before, he announced that he was going to announce that he would be running. That happens a lot. Sen. Chuck Hagel did the same thing a while back.
. . . So I guess they have to take their time and gauge the market.
Sly Stallone looks like he's on steroids. Seems bloated and fleshy, pretty obvious. He's almost a walking advertisement. He got caught with drugs (growth hormone pills) in his luggage down in Australia, was found guilty and has to pay about a $10,000 fine. Naughty boy.
. . . He was Down Under to promote his latest Rocky flick, Rocky Balboa. And now they say he's got another Rambo picture coming out next year called John Rambo. That man likes sequels. The Numbers: Rocky Balboa would have been Rocky VI or something but I guess they decided to distinguish it without the Roman numerals. Same for John Rambo, which is the fourth in that series, the previous ones being First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II and Rambo III.
. . . Jesus, give it up already.
You know PBS has lowered its cultural standards now that they're planning to air The Osmond's 50th Anniversary Special. Whatever happened to Shostakovich or Beethoven? They used to be so high-brow; now they're bottom feeders like ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, et al.
JUST ASKING. Who's the father of Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter's (Mary and partner Heather Poe) new baby boy (Samuel David Cheney)? It's not that David Crosby hippie singer guy again, is it?
JUST NOW NOTICED. Juicy Fruit gum - the actual stick -- is now colored yellow and no longer comes in the standard grayish color old-style gum used to be. So it matches the packaging, which they also updated by spelling Juicy Fruit in a different fun font. (Liked the old one better)
DOCTORED PHOTOS. At it again. This time it's tennis player Andy Roddick, who's on the cover of Men's Fitness magazine. His head looks like it's on another body, for crissakes, and his biceps are big and thick plus there's no birthmark on his right arm as there is in real life. He mocked the job done by the mag on his blog, "Retouched," the industry term, for making celebrities look better to sell copies. A spokesman for Fitness said, "I don't see what the big issue is here."
. . . I guess he won't work for The New York Times or The Washington Post anytime soon.
. . . So don't believe what you see. Sometimes you don't know who or what to believe.
FROM THE CURMUDGEONS' CORNER. One of the crusty occupants, upon hearing about Lindsay Lohan reentering rehab, asked, "Is there a special outfit for that? Rehaberdashery? " Ha Ha Ha, clever.
How many more "never before seen" photos of Marilyn Monroe are we gonna see? Last week some new ones were unveiled. It seems she literally spent her life in front of a lens. Something's always being uncovered.
. . . So I guess she liked to make love to the camera.
Dr. Isadore Rosenfeld, who has a Medical Facts ... or Fiction? column in the Sunday Parade magazine, had an answer for this commonly held belief: "The more you sweat during exercise, the more weight you'll lose." FALSE (and thank you).
. . . THE ANSWER: "Exercise helps you to lose weight by burning more calories than you have consumed. Heavy sweating may cause you to lose one or two pounds, but that's water and only temporary. When you're in the hot sun or exercising, sweat is simply the way the body cools itself. It has nothing to do with permanent weight loss. The fluid is quickly restored, as is the weight that was lost.
. . . So take off those sweat pants and ankle weights, it don't matter.
SUGGESTION TO THE CBS EVENING NEWS. Get rid of that open announcer for the show. He's slow and sounds about 90 years old. "The CBS Evening News With Katie Couric, " he draggily says, over the open animation with the trumpet fanfare. Sounds like a holdover from the days of Walter Cronkite. I'm asleep by the time I see Katie. Do something about it. Needs more life, youth, oomph.
. . . Mr. Big Stuff believes that announcer's voice is none other than Uncle Walter's himself. But I don't believe it. We'll have to investigate.
Joyce Randolf, 83, the actress that played Trixie on The Honeymooners TV series way back in the 50s, received an honorary degree, Doctor of Fine Arts, from Purchase College in New York, on May 18. The school prez said she "made an indelible imprint on our American culture and is an inspiration to students in the theater, creative writing and the social sciences."
. . . And who introduced her? Art Carney's (Ed Norton on the series) son Brian. He was there as a special guest and introduced Trixie. He's a musician and has played at over 200 colleges across the country, has made commercials and done voiceovers.
. . . So it's nice to see some Oldies But Goodies still around.
Ronald Reagan, in his diaries (The Reagan Diaries) which have been edited down to one volume by historian Douglas Brinkley, never used fully spelled out cuss words in his entries. So he wrote hell like h_ _l, and damn as d_ _n. So I'm sure he's up in heaven.
NOTICED. Creases in Brian Williams's blue dress shirt when he was anchoring the NBC Nightly News on location in New Orleans one night last week. I was shocked because he's usually so dapper with everything in place. But it looked like the dry cleaners boxed the shirt instead of putting it on a hangar. So you could see some folds, ever so slightly, barely discernible.
. . . The show should have had a set dresser/housekeeper right there with him to steam out those wrinkles. Frivolous thought? Not for network TV. Hire somebody next time and pay 'em to be watchful of such disasters.
BACK ON EARTH. The ashes of James Doohan are. The actor who played the starship Enterprise's Montgomery Scott ("Beam me up, Scotty") in the original Star Trek TV show wanted his ashes (he died two years ago) to be shot up in space forever more. He finally got his wish on April 29 when a capsule containing said body blasted off from New Mexico for its final resting place. I thought that was it.
. . . But it came back to Earth. It took a while to locate it but the payload was finally found in the San Andres Mountains out there.
. . . I thought the point of it all was for his ashes to stay out in space for eternity.
. . . So after all that, he's back where he started from.
R&B legend Fats Domino returned to performing on May 19 at Tipitina's in New Orleans, his first appearance since losing his home and all his belongings (9th Ward) during Hurricane Katrina. "The Fat Man," as they used to call him, looked great in his signature pose: sitting at the piano with his head tilted to the side, singing into the mike.
UH . . . Walking to New Orleans - Fats Domino, on Imperial Records, 1960.

rocci@roccifisch.com