IS JESSE JACKSON PRESIDENT?

1. . . . That man gets around and does things. Is Clinton jealous?
2. Noah's Ark was borderline to me. Jon Voight was good. (Man, he had some hair didn't he?) But at times the effects looked really amateur, chintzy.
3. SAY IN BOOMING VOICE: . . . "Go ye and multiply."
4. GOOD LISTENING: Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers' new album Echo. Perfect for doing some on-the-road travelling.
5. Britain's got Elizabeth Hurley and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Who do we have? (Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres? Ha Ha Ha.)
6. Don't they have new cars on display in that GM showroom in New York where they're gonna do the new Bryant Gumbel show? A lot of people would rather see them than him.
7. Something tells me that Wild, Wild West movie's gonna bomb.
8. Benjamin Bratt's leaving Law & Order. Who cares? Chris Noth left. Remember him?
9. LOWERING THE AGE RANGE. Now Viagra's got middle-aged couples dancing in the kitchen, acting romantic. It's not all about Bob Dole seniors anymore.
10. FEEDBACK. A reader said she thought Elizabeth Dole looks like Bob Dole with a wig on. "Are they seeing the same plastic surgeon? It's kinda weird."
11. Turn the Beat Around's Vickie Sue Robinson has an Off-Broadway show opening this Sunday. It's a musical about her life and career: Behind the Beat. That song really made a mark in the disco days of 1976. Good for her she's back.
12. NO SURPRISE . . . That those Fox real life video shows are enhanced with all kinds of dramatic effects. It's all simulations, re-enactments, re-creations. The producers have it down to an "art form."
13. ADOPT-A-MEDIAN. That's what they're encouraging out in Prince George's County, Maryland. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do: Plant flowers and then go out and play in the traffic.
14. Yes, WhiteHouse.com is a girlie internet site. The real White House is .gov. (I just know from doing research. Yeah buddy.)
15. Ally McBeal singer Vonda Shepard looks like Steve Tyler of Aerosmith.
16. Tony Bennett's got more hair than his son Danny.
17. Tom Cruise seems awful sensitive. He's always suing somebody. Now it's libel against Star magazine for reporting that he and wife Nicole needed some sex instructions before filming scenes for their Eyes Wide Shut movie.
18. Should I get the hair on my back depilatronned?
19. STEALING CLOTHES NOW. John Wayne Bobbitt is, out in Nevada. I thought he went out there to become a preacher.
20. GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME. People eating live worms on Fox and people eating Domino's pizza on ABC. I stayed with ABC.
21. . . . The Fox thing was a Guinness contest and the guy who won managed to scarf down sixty- two slimeys in thirty seconds.
22. Those VH1 Behind the Music shows are popular now. They're what people want to see and know about their favorite artists. And the show's boosting their album sales too.
23. Sean Penn looked like he didn't get too dressed up for the White House Correspondents' Dinner last Saturday. He had an open shirt on. Everybody else had tuxes.
24. How plain do those bagels look in those new McDonald breakfast sandwiches? You know they're mush.
25. Tipper Gore says we've got a toxic culture.
26. How many times do you think Brent Scowcroft's been called Brent Snowcroft?
27. THEY DON'T COME LOOSE. I like the way that auctioneer bids with his Super Poli-Gripped choppers.
28. WORTH SEEING. Reunited rock group Blondie. (Debbie Harry, Chris Stein, Clem Burke, Jimmy Destri) It's their No Exit tour in support of their new album and their first in the U.S. in sixteen years Starts May 15 and runs through June 10. It'll be good.
29. JUST CHECKED. The $500 and $750 tickets for Barbra Streisand's New Year's Eve show at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas are sold out. The only ones left are-Get This!-$1500 and $2500. Guess I'll have to pass. (I'm a modest man.)
30. After all that obnoxiously blanketed TV advertising campaign, Six Flags America didn't open on May l because they hadn't finished construction. (Don't tell me about it if it ain't gonna happen.)
31. Sidney Poitier's daughter spells her name Sydney.
32. Diana Ross should marry Berry Gordy now that she's done with the shipping magnate.
33. So Julia Roberts had hairy armpits. Used to be somewhat fashionable. Is it now? Doubt it.
34. Joan Rivers is hawking her new book, Don't Count the Candles/Just keep the fire lit! for Mother's Day sales. She voices it for her audiobook too. That might be fun.
35. Now it's the Intranet. What's that?
36. HOW ORIGINAL? They're talking about doing a TV political talk show for JFK Jr.'s George magazine. Politically Incorrect's already on.
37. Is Woody Allen and Soon-Yi's baby adopted or did she have it?
38. Former Cover Girl and Summer of '42 actress Jennifer O'Neill's been married nine times and has had a rough and tumble life. She talks about it in her autobiography out now called Surviving Myself. (Boy, did I have a crush on her.)
39. CAN WE TAKE A BREAK FROM . . . The Baldwin Brothers? Any and all of 'em.
40. OOH L'AMOUR. French President Jacques Chirac kissed a lot of married women's hands during the NATO summit.
41. UH . . . Je T'Aime by Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg, on Fontana Records from 1969. Remember that one? (Reached #58 on the charts-not Top 40 territory, because it sounded too sexy.)

rocci@roccifisch.com

Archives