November 24, 2002


      OUR TURKEYS DON'T DO DRUGS

  1. . . . That's what a sign outside my health food store says. Do they really taste any different? And while we're at it, do free-range chickens taste any happier?
  2. That Bachelor guy Aaron Buerge sure did a lot of kissing in his TV show. In the limo, in the hot tub, at the beach, on the sofa, in the pool ... Jeesh, it's a wonder his lips didn't fall off.
  3. . . . Is ABC gonna give him his own TV show now? He got sky high ratings. Maybe they oughta do something with him. They owe him one.
  4. That picture of Halle Berry wearing an orange bikini with a white gun (actually knife) holster wrapped around her waist is sure making the rounds. She's a tough cookie in Die Another Day and answers "Yo mama" while she's being questioned by the bad guys.
  5. The Al Gore media blitz has been a bit much. Supposedly tied to the release of not one, but two books about family, he and Tipper have been everywhere there's a TV camera. So is he gonna run again? He told The Washington Post's Lloyd Grove he's waiting until after the holidays.
  6. . . . Will Babs Streisand sing a song for him about what a savior he is?
  7. ANOTHER WAY TO PLUG THINGS. On the cover of Phil Collins' new Testify CD there's a sticker that says the song, Can't Stop Loving You, is "featured in the Toyota Avalon commercial." So now a commercial's not just selling cars but CD's too.
  8. Actor Campbell Scott turns in a really good performance in Roger Dodger. He plays a slick know-it-all single New Yorker who tutors his nephew on how to pick up women. Roger talks a blue streak spouting off his philosophy of what women want and the kid is terrific as a jittery, nervous greenhorn.
  9. TONE HIM DOWN. "Thrilled to be here!" is what CNN's Martin Savidge exclaimed at the top of the Live From program last week. I'd say it's a little over-enthusiastic. Lower the schmaltz a few notches, will ya bub?
  10. Exactly what would Jesus drive? Supposedly not a gas guzzling SUV, but Jerry Falwell drives a Suburban. What do you make of that?
  11. New York's Museum of Sex is a popular draw and well over its initial projections. Up to 3,000 people drop by on the weekends and 500 do it on the weekdays. The current exhibit shows porno.
  12. A friend of mine just got high-speed Internet service and now he needs a new computer to handle it. All he uses it for is word processing, Internet and e-mail but the thing's not working right. They don't tell you that when you elect to get the service. Figures.
  13. So what are trans-fatty acids? Are they in my orange juice?
  14. SHORT MEMORY. "Dr. Phil's following up with his most memorable guests," says a promo for the show. Hell, he hasn't been on the air that long. His show just started.
  15. Anne Murray's commercial for her Country Classics album (1-800-791-5566) needs a little bit more production. It just shows closeups of her singing the songs—not much else. Very TV cable-ish. Let's get a little more original.
  16. Mr. Big Stuff thought those models on that Victoria's Secret TV special walked awfully fast and funny down the runway. "Maybe they did it to bounce things around a bit," he said.
  17. BUCKLING UNDER. Now Philip Morris is putting little disclaimer packets inside their cigarette packs saying that there is no such thing as a safe cigarette and that the terms "Ultra Light," "Light," "Medium" and "Mild" are merely "descriptors." Descriptors ...Whaaat?
  18. A female comedian auditioning for the annual U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen had this joke: "I could never be bulimic because I'm a procrastinator ... I eat, and then I'm like, ‘Ah, I'll throw up tomorrow.'" Ha Ha Ha.
  19. Rock ‘n' Roll Neck is actually a condition brought on by whiplash-like motion of the head and neck on stage and is something that actually caused funkster Rick James to have a stroke.
  20. 8 Simple Rules' John Ritter's really packed on the pounds. Maybe it's for the TV dad role he plays.
  21. Martha Stewart's selling home decorations for Christmas for Kmart despite her recent woes. It's done with a voice-over though and you don't see her on-camera.
  22. UH . . . Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee on Decca, from 1960. Comes back every year.


    23. rocci@roccifisch.com

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