FIRING FROM DONKEY CARTS

1. . . . What? Iraqi insurgents in Baghdad fired rockets from donkey carts disguised as hay wagons last Friday at the Oil Ministry and two hotels injuring two people, and others have been hurt by bombs hidden in animal carcasses and piles of trash.
2. . . . The donkeys were burned and their hair singed. Cruel and pathetic. Pictures ran on the front pages of The Washington Post and The New York Times. Somebody ought to get the PETA people over there.
3. On a much lighter note ... Ed Norton, Art Carney's Honeymooners character, worked in the sewers but he said his job title was Senior Supervisor of Subterranean Sanitation. Funny man he was.
4. Katie Couric's hair is really getting longer. And Russ Mitchell of CBS is showing a lot of salt along with the pepper in his mane.
5. DIDN'T KNOW. Telma Hopkins, who used to be one half of Dawn with Tony Orlando (Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Ole Oak Tree) and star of many sitcoms over the years including the current Half & Half on UPN, was one of the voices saying "Shut yo mouth" in response to Isaac Hayes saying, "You know that cat Shaft was a "bad mutha ..." She gets around.
6. The American Music Awards had a pre-show this year. Boy, was that thing full of hype. Constant whip-arounds by the three hosts interviewing VIPs (?)about how great the show was going to be and asking stupid questions like, "Who do you want to see most?"
7. MSNBC'S been using a Tron-like font for some of its lettering on the screen. I think it's hard to make out the words now. Stop being so exotic. Use something people can read easily. Thank you.
8. ABC's Terry Moran's been doing a stint in Baghdad but he'll be returning to the White House beat soon.
9. American Idols Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard - referred to as spaghetti and meatball - were terrific on the American Music Awards. Both those guys can sing. Clay did his Invisible song about being in some girl's bedroom, and Ruben sang Superstar like Luther Vandross doesand then they both did Jesus Is Love.
10. On the day of his inauguration, Arnold Schwarzenegger was wearing Prada, reported ABC's Brian Rooney. He looked sharp and clean but I thought all of Arnold's clothes were custom- made.
11. Now you can clean your toothbrush with Aqua Blast. Yeah, how many people are gonna do that? They're tablets and it's like dunking your dentures in Polident.
12. I guess James Brolin's gonna go back to those AAMCO commercials now that The Reagans has been taken off CBS. "Double A, MCO."
13. Is Johnny Depp really the Sexiest Man Alive? People magazine thinks so. A female friend of mine thinks he's a bit too quirky to be that.
14. RUN OF BAD LUCK. CBS is dropping shows like crazy. First The Reagans and now a one-hour Michael Jackson special that was to air this coming Wednesday.
15. . . . The latest Jackson special was to include a "rare performance" and tributes from music industry celebrities. How many rare performances and tributes do we have to endure over the years? He oughta try an acoustic performance once and show us the chops he still has. Strip it down and show us what you got. On second thought, don't strip.
16. Let's call Reality TV, RTV. That's easier.
17. Former Maryland Terrapin and area sportscaster Jess Atkinson is now heading up FridgeTV.com, a Web site devoted to covering the football team with feature-length pieces and coach Ralph Friedgen's news conferences live. He's got access the mainstream press doesn't. ( I wondered where he went.)
18. Former ABC overnight news anchor Mark Mullen is now working for NBC. He was out in Santa Barbara last week covering the Michael Jackson story.
19. LET'S GET MORE UP-TO-DATE. Last weekend's Parade magazine still had an ad in it for The Reagans long after that show was pulled. Was odd they let that slip.
20. Rod Stewart dancing a two-step and Ashanti singing in real rain were laughable on the American Music Awards.
21. Mr. Big Stuff asked, "What do they call people from Baghdad? Baghdaddis? Like Mack Daddy? Ha Ha Ha.
22. That face on Mike Myers' Cat in the Hat is weird. The real Cat has a much more funny and pleasant-looking mug. This one's too full of teeth, the nose isn't right and the upper lip is too puffy. Who thought that up?
23. How is attorney Mark Geragos gonna have time for Scott Peterson now that he's handling Michael Jackson? Poor Scott.
24. Estella Gardinier, winner on The Bachelor, has the same kind of little, whiney voice that Trista Rehn (The Bachelorette) does.
25. Tony Robbins, the feel good, self-empowerment guru, now seems to want to be known as Anthony Robbins. And he's got a new look: Tousled hair, casual dress and goatee growth on his chinny, chin chin. He's hawking his latest philosophy called Get the Edge.
26. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, is on her way to Atlanta for Thanksgiving. Down there she'll be taken to the Buckwood Pet Hotel spa by owner Sally to get a bath and manicure, er ... her nails trimmed.
27. WAKING UP DURING SURGERY. Oh, the nightmare of it. CBS Evening News will feature a report on it this week. Washington's Channel 7 did it last week. So I guess it all comes around. I mean, how many original ideas can you come up with for the November sweeps?
28. The DA, Thomas Sneddon, that held that news conference last week announcing, in essence, that they had the goods on Michael Jackson, was described as "irreverent and cocky" by CBS's Bill Lagattuta on 48 Hours. And he's right.
29. Wynonna ought to learn to wear makeup for her mug shot. Michael Jackson did.
30. The Alamo won't be out now until next year. Some buzz says it's too long and needs to be reworked. Uh oh.
31. SQUEAMISH. There was a picture in The Washington Post's Express newspaper of a woman from Brazil who had 1,903 body piercings. It didn't show all of them; it was a head shot. Studs were all over her plus she had her little finger sticking up through her tongue. No kidding.
32. Kate Blanchett with a western accent and toting a shotgun? Somehow that doesn't work for me. That's what she does in The Missing, coming out soon.
33. So are there nude pictures of Jessica Lynch or aren't there? Pornographer Larry Flynt says he bought them and was gonna feature them in Hustler but he gave her a break, calling her "a good kid ... and a victim of the Bush administration." They supposedly show Jessica, an undressed supply clerk, with male soldiers. Sounds like a party.
34. The movie that's out now is called Elf, not Alf. (Remember that show?)
35. Can Gloria Allred get in anybody else's business?
36. LOONEY TUNES BACK IN ACTION. Well done and really fast-paced. Cartoon combined with live action. Bugs and Daffy lead the way and also in it are Wile E. Coyote, Yosemite Sam, Porky Pig, Sylvester the Cat and Tweety Bird, Roadrunner and many other Warner Bros. cartoon characters. Real lifers Brendan Fraser, Jenna Elfman, Steve Martin are in it and cameos from many others. To me though, it was more of something to watch rather than really funny. But I'm older now.
37. OBSCENE. That's what friend of mine called the cable news coverage of trying to capture Michael Jackson returning to Santa Barbara in a private plane last week. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Speculating, speculating, speculating. Yes, it was like O.J. and the bronco chase. And yes, they want those ratings.
38. John Lennon's handwritten lyrics to the Beatles' Nowhere Man were sold for $455,000 at auction to an anonymous bidder last week at Christie's in New York. His writing is up and down with no right slant and the M in man is written over three times in order to capitalize it. A bit of sloppy penmanship.
39. Was Sting wearing a long dress or was it like a robe/gown-type thing priests wear or was it long culottes at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last week? Was he pushing for men's rights to wear dresses? Whatever. He did look pretty good in it.
40. Everybody's saying how great it is to see all the stuffed animals at the Kenneth E. Behring Family Hall of Mammals down at the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History. 274 specimens, they brag. All stuffed by taxidermists. Well who killed ‘em in the first place?
41. Euan Morton really does look like Boy George did back in the 80s in the Rosie O'Donnell- produced play Taboo, now on Broadway. The original Boy (George O'Dowd) wrote the play and has a part in it. (His face is all painted up.) And they say the show has some good songs in it.
42. UH OH. Liz Taylor is speaking up again for her friend Michael Jackson. Is she gonna show up on Larry King again? LaToya did Sunday night. She's goofy.
43. I don't like Halle Berry in long hair. Shorter looked better on her.
44. In MSNBC's Battle for the White House Democratic candidates special, John Kerry sounded a little like NBC's Brian Williams. Announcer-ish.
45. Al Sharpton said James Brown taught him how to do his hair a long time ago. There is a similarity.
46. Does Jermaine Jackson have cheek implants?
47. UH . . . Let's Get Serious - Jermaine Jackson on Motown. 1980.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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