October 12, 2004


  1. . . . Election Day 2004, Tuesday, Nov. 2. Will it all end then? Will the loser's tail be between his legs?
  2. Technology not only takes away jobs from humans, it takes it away from dogs too. St. Bernards are no longer needed for rescuing people in the Alps in Switzerland. Helicopters and heat sensors are doing the job now. Eighteen dogs are left at a travelers' shelter in Great St. Bernard Pass and they're being sold but the monks who have them now say the new owners must agree to bring them back every summer so tourists can still see them. Nice. Who pays for the trip?
  3. UNBELIEVABLE. John Edwards was on FIVE talk shows Sunday: Fox News Sunday, This Week, Meet the Press, Face the Nation and Late Edition. The ultimate in media saturation. Did he say anything different on any of 'em?
  4. . . . Where was Dick Cheney? You gotta keep up.
  5. TWO WEEKEND SHOTS. Queen Latifah (real name, Dana Owens) was host/musical guest on Saturday Night Live and got profiled on 60 Minutes Sunday. That's saturation too. Was it because of her new movie Taxi with ex-SNL regular Jimmy Fallon or her new CD, The Dana Owens Album? Some of both, I guess. When you're hot, you're hot.
  6. Abracadabra, a store on Fifth Avenue in New York, is selling a Martha Stewart Halloween costume featuring a wrap-around chain, a file (for sawing through something) and a cherry pie.
  7. Nancy Reagan's alleged astrologer, Joyce Jillson, died Oct. 1 of kidney failure at the age of 58. She said she spent a lot of time at the White House after the 1981 assassination attempt but then White House spokesman Marvin Fitzwater claimed the Reagans didn't know her. So who lied?
  8. IT COULD HAPPEN. So how long is it gonna take for one of the TV news shows to hire an ex-con to be an on-air consultant to talk about Martha Stewart's prison stay? We need daily updates from an insider or former insider. I wanna know what she's up to. Is she offering to cook?
  9. JUST ASKING. Why does ABC's new teen soap series, life as we know it, spell its show in lower-case letters? Is it because they think it represents today's youth more by avoiding capitals, spelling it like it's text messaging or e-mail or something ?
  10. . . . The kids are good on it, especially Kelly Osbourne (Ozzy's daughter) who plays a "fat" girl (Deborah) who's after Jonathan Fields (Chris Lowell) who wants to have sex with her but not act like boyfriend/girlfriend.
  11. Marlon Brando's atoll that he owned (owns) near French Polynesia is made up of 13 islands. (An atoll is a string of closely spaced coral islands, enclosing a shallow lagoon.) Sorry to talk down to you. And yes, I'll take one.
  12. Do those Dyson bagless vacuum cleaners really work? They look a little weird.
  13. The period costumes in The Aviator, the Howard Hughes bio flick that opens Dec. 17, look great. Wonder if the film will be? Leonardo DiCaprio plays Hughes; Gwen Stefani (No Doubt) plays Jean Harlow; Kate Beckinsale plays Ava Gardner, Cate Blanchett plays Katharine Hepburn and Jude Law plays Errol Flynn.
  14. . . . Make it good. I don't wanna be disappointed.
  15. D.C. got the Montreal Expos but getting a new stadium might not be a sure thing. There's a coalition protesting against the use of public funds to pay for it. They say to Mayor Anthony Williams and city council members who support it that they won't get it as long as there are homeless people sleeping on the streets and the schools are crumbling. Former mayor Marion Barry's against it too and he's now a councilman.
  16. I don't like the typeface in Bob Dylan's book, Chronicles: Volume One. It looks old-fashioned and not easy to read.
  17. . . . Also, it seems that what is shocking in the Dylan book is his ordinary-ness. The New York Times's Janet Maslin called it a "flabbergasting new memoir." Why, because of all these preconceived ideas you had? You can't always tell what a person is like just by reading lyrics they wrote. Overinterpretation. That's what it is. Get real.
  18. Does Bill O'Reilly write a book every other day, for crissakes? Latest one: Who's Looking Out for You?
  19. The company that's cloned those two kittens is called Genetic Savings and Clone.
  20. A friend of mine calls the new movie I ? Huckabees, the Hucklebees. She's way off, but it is confusing. Is the movie I Heart Huckabees or I Love Huckabees?
  21. Will producer Mary Mapes take the fall for CBS and Dan Rather on the Bush National Guard service story fiasco? Probably. (Wonder how the investigation is going? Maybe 48 Hours can look into that. Ha Ha Ha.)
  22. TO BE REMEMBERED. Izora Rhodes, one half of the Weather Girls, formerly known as Two Tons o' Fun when they recorded with Sylvester, a cross-dressing singer from San Francisco who had major hits with Dance (Disco Heat) and (You Make Me Feel) Mighty Real, died on Sept. 16 of heart failure. She and Martha Wash sang the gospel-flavored hi-NRG disco hit It's Raining Men (1982), written by Paul Jabara and Paul Shaffer of the Letterman show. Those women could wail.
  23. What's with all that hair Oprah has now?
  24. At least at the beginning of the VP debate, moderator Gwen Ifill didn't look like she was talking into the right camera. She was looking right instead of head-on. That shouldn't have happened. Fire somebody.
  25. ABC's Jessica Yellin reported Sunday that the inmates of Alderson Federal Prison Camp where Martha Stewart is serving time annually ride in the town's Christmas parade. I wonder if it's mandatory. You can believe it ain't no Macy's parade.
  26. "I was an altar boy," said John Kerry at the debate last week. Well, so what? So was my cousin Frankie Perugino and so was Mr. Big Stuff himself.
  27. ABC's Charlie Gibson looks like he's lost weight. Shows in his face. Looks younger.
  28. I GUESS YOU CAN YOU SAY A_ _ ON REGULAR TV. In a promo for NBC's upcoming The Big Loser reality show about people losing weight, one of the women says, "I busted my ass out there." Nice language.
  29. Somebody said/wrote that Karen Hughes is George W. Bush's Hummer.
  30. I dialed the phone again dyslexic-ly this week and got mad when I got the wrong number.
  31. A co-worker of mine said this to me: "I wish I could MUTE you. Thanks.
  32. Another co-worker of mine called right-leaning, frequent talking head Bay Buchanan, Bray Buchanan.
  33. Is Tom DeLay's hair dyed? Is the Pope a Catholic?
  34. Howard Stern has a waiting game to play just like Conan O'Brien. He doesn't start with Sirius Satellite Radio until 2006.
  35. I think Laura Bush and Teresa Heinz Kerry should debate. Let 'em have at it.
  36. CNN's Jeff Greenfield likened Dick Cheney to Yoda.
  37. Mr. Big Stuff calls the president George WMD Bush.
  38. Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Want To Have Fun gets more mileage. The 1984 hit is currently used on those Carnival Cruise Line commercials. She does seems mellower now though, as evidenced on her latest album, At Last which features some classics from the rock 'n' roll/R&B era. But she was on the Today show a couple weeks ago and got wacky singing Stay, the old Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs song that she puts a Latin flavor on. She climbed up on the piano.
  39. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, is having a hard time hopping up on owner Sally's new bed. She can't make it herself and sits and wimpers until Sally picks her up.
  40. RODNEY DANGERFIELD: "When I was a kid, I got not respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note, they said, "We want $5,000 or you'll see your kid again."
  41. Will the Undecideds decide the election? That makes sense. A bunch of people who can't make up their minds are gonna be responsible for deciding who's President of the United States.
  42. UH . . . (I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind - Joe Quarterman & Free Soul on GSF from 1972. Funky club hit back then.



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