KERRY IS AN EAGLE AND BUSH IS AN OSTRICH

1. . . . That was last week's depiction of the two in a DNC (Democratic National Committee) TV ad. Kerry soars and sees everything while Bush sticks his head in the sand. And before that one there was a Bush-Cheney attack ad made by the RNC (Republican National Committee) with a pack of wolves ready to attack to emphasize what a scary world it would be if Kerry got elected. I guess the big bad wolves were terrorists. What is this campaign turning into, Wild Kingdom?
2. Mary Cheney, one of the VP's daughters, needs to do something with all that hair. She looks like Goldilocks or something.
3. There's a celebrity mug shot calendar that's coming out called Glamour in the Slammer. Good Christmas gift for some.
4. CONFUSING. Classic Coke in bottles often comes with a green screw top. When I see that I think it's the new Coke that has lime in it. But it's not. So it makes me have to look twice.
5. Why is John Mellencamp dressed up all the time now? His flannel shirts and jeans seem to have disappeared. He's wearing jackets and white snap-tab shirts and his hair's slicked back. Seems like he's trading in his small town image for something more uptown.
6. PHOTO-OPORTUNISM. That's what the Bush campaign accused Kerry of when he was on his goose-hunting trip, dressed in camouflage and carrying a rifle. Get the PETA folks after him.
7. CNN Headline News's Rudy Baktiar was reporting from Capitol Hill last week for the regular CNN. Does that mean she's not going to be anchoring anymore? I like her on at night.
8. NEW LOOK. Diane Sawyer's hair's getting long now. It flips up at the end. Is she growing it out?
9. BIG MONDAY MORNING. On Good Morning America, Charlie Gibson interviewed George Bush and Diane Sawyer interviewed Bill Clinton and on Today, Katie Couric interviewed John Kerry and Jamie Gangel interviewed Dick Cheney. Who did Matt Lauer interview? Ann Curry?
10. Four years ago nobody wanted to touch Bill Clinton with a ten-foot pole. He was damaged goods. Gore kept his distance. But now he's being looked at as a savior. But this week he stumped for Kerry in Philly. My, how time doth changeth things.
11. ASKING. Who sings Somewhere ("There's a place for us ...") in that commercial for a financial services company called TIAA-CREF? Sounds good.
12. MARTHA STEWART IS NOT BEHIND BARS. Literally she's not. Daughter Alexis said so on Larry King and we've known this for a while but some news accounts still say she is.
13. . . . The National Enquirer does report that a "family insider" said that the bathroom stalls at the Alderson Federal Prison Camp in West Virginia have half doors so the person inside is visible from the knees down and the shoulders up. The insider says Martha is very uncomfortable with that.
14. Leonardo DiCaprio looks like a high school kid dressed up to look older in his role as Howard Hughes in the upcoming film, The Aviator, directed by Martin Scorsese. How'd he get cast for that? It's ridiculous. Sorry, but if someone doesn't look believable in a part, that loses it for me right from the start.
15. SHALL WE DANCE? Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez, Susan Sarandon. Yes, I saw it. Husband (Gere) takes dance lessons; wife (Sarandon) thinks he's cheating (Lopez) and it all works out in the end. Total Hollywood make-believe. Silly situations and predictability.
16. . . . And yes, Lopez's butt is visible but not nakedly. Her ample derriere is accented by the clingy outfits she wears at the dance classes she conducts.
17. Dunkin' Donuts says it has hot lattes now with real espresso. I hope it's real. Do some coffee places use fake?
18. Sunday talk show Face the Nation now uses Washington beauty shots of the monuments to close out the show and run credits over. That's new to me. That show has never shown a shot outside of its Washington studio in the 50 years it's been on TV. Somebody over at CBS is gettin' looser.
19. The last half hour of Saturday Night Live last weekend was totally unfunny. Some stupid movie short where people wore bear heads and couldn't talk human but had human bodies; some sketch with show regular Seth Meyers playing Michael Caine and show host Jude Law playing Peter O'Toole; and Ashlee Simpson, for her final number, winding up not singing and just guffawing off the stage, later explained at show's end by her apologizing and saying that the band didn't play the right song for her. Weird. And when the band played, you could hear her singing along with it and there was Simpson standing there not singing. So now she's suspiciously thought to be another Milli Vanilli.
20. Now Kenny G (Gorelick) has a duets album out. That concept's very tired by now. His At Last ... The Duets Album has a few of his signature instrumentals but the rest features singers. Record mogul Clive Davis suggested G do it this way. Davis does have good judgment, so we'll see how well it goes.
21. George Bush needs to wear something other than a blue dress shirt that he rolls up when he's hunkerin' down with the regular folks. Can't he wear a sports shirt, like a polo or something? It gets boring.
22. LAURIE ANDERSON. The performance artist was at George Washington University's Lisner Auditorium last Thursday to perform The End of the Moon, the second installment of her trilogy-in-progress which included stories about being the first artist-in-residence for NASA - believe it or not - and other things she's done and thoughts she's had lately (the war, the election). She's got her fan base and does what she does well. Makes you think.
23. MY SENTIMENTS. ABC weekend GMA anchor Bill Weir had this to say after having so much political news at the top of the show: "Can we vote now, please?" Yes, get it over with.
24. OPPOSITES ATTRACT, I GUESS. CNN's Daryn Kagan and Rush Limbaugh and NBC's Campbell Brown and Dan Senor, former government spokesman in Iraq.
25. New 20/20 co-anchor Elizabeth Vargas was in Russia last week and reported on the aftermath of that hostage situation at the school with all the kids in Beslan. She had very curly hair and that was unusual because we've always seen her with straight hair. So I guess she's letting all her naturalness hang out. Looked fine to me. Also, the show got a new set.
26. They say that Red Sox outfielder Johnny Damon looks like Jesus Christ and some people call him that. He does have long hair and a beard. Someone said he looked like Jim Caviezel who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ.
27. Castro fall down, go boom.
28. JUST ASKING. What does thin toilet paper get you? Everyone winds up using more, for crissakes? Does a company save that much money by buying that stuff? I mean, Gimme a Break!
29. Mr. Highfalutin thought the president looked like a bobble head doll during his interview with Charlie Gibson Monday morning. He kept forcibly smiling and moving his head to and fro. Robotic. In a trance. Ridiculous
30. Michael Moore should be on Extreme Makeover.
31. Hanalie, dog in the neighborhood, is now sporting a Halloween collar with small pumpkins on it and hiked up Sugarloaf Mountain with owner Sally last weekend. The exercise was good for her. She's avoiding getting chunky.
32. Will John Kerry's face get longer as he ages?
33. UH . . . Eyes Without a Face - Billy Idol on Chrysalis. 1984.

rocci@roccifisch.com

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